Terrible Jokes Thread

[philw696]

So the Manta has a shady past...wonder if it was ever siezed?

I have looked behind the fuel tank and got the rear seats out with the rear side panels to remove the skirts and nothing.
Front door panels next and remove the doors but want to get my body shop stands first.
Paperwork is all good on the car.

 

[Felonious Crud]

Had to remove the kick panels to get two bolts securing the front wings.
If I hadn't removed them it would still be hiding there.View attachment 89158

Was it good?

 

[zagatoes30]

So the Manta has a shady past...wonder if it was ever siezed?

The old man bought a motor cruiser from a HMRC sale, a few modifications were found during restoration - 2 extremely powerful Volvo Pentas, hidden storage locations behind nearly every panel and a false floor with space for a couple of dead bodies below. It was bought from Scotland but had spent all it's life on the South Coast and came with a bit of advice that it may be best to stay away from the South East channel ports. Consensus was that once in its life it was a drug runner between the UK and Europe and that the previous owners, had they seen it again, might have taken it back with or without any agreement.

It was very fast and handled much better than most leisure motor cruisers

 

[zagatoes30]

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

 

[Tallman]

Gary Larson…always funny

 

[zagatoes30]

'Do Not Touch' must be a terrifying thing to read in Braille.

 

[CatmanV2]

'Do Not Touch' must be a terrifying thing to read in Braille.

C

 

[zagatoes30]

My friend keeps saying “Cheer up, man. It could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.

 

[CatmanV2]

Bought a self assembly bird table last week. Left it in the garden & they haven’t even opened the box yet…

C

 

[Nayf]

Did you hear about the constipated baker?

He kneaded a poo.

 

[happydaze]

Bought a self assembly bird table last week. Left it in the garden & they haven’t even opened the box yet…

C

Had one of those - but it flew away...

 

[midlifecrisis]

Had a near miss with the grim reaper last night, but I managed to fend him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.


I'm back, did you miss me?

 

[davy83]

Mathematician with constipation .... Worked it out with a pencil

 

[Oishi]

A sharp pointy one.

 

[2b1ask1]

Two nuns share a bath, "Where's the soap?" asks one.





"It does doesn't it!" Replied the other...

 

[zagatoes30]

I saw a man pushing a lion and a witch into a wardrobe. I asked “what are you doing?” He replied…..

Go away, it’s Narnia business.

 

[zagatoes30]

Do you know why birds sing in the morning?

Because they don't have to go to F**king work !!

 

[midlifecrisis]

Do you know why birds sing in the morning?

Because they don't have to go to F**king work !!

Do you know why bees hum?

Because they don't know the words...

 

[midlifecrisis]

Got stung by a bee the other day...

£20 for a pot of honey!

 

[daverichardson]

Cheap Cheep!