Terrible Jokes Thread

Zep

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6,437
Heads up people, just got a scam phone call just now...

A voice said "I'm the dandy highwayman who you're too scared to mention, I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention!"

I tried to tell him he had the wrong number.........but he was adamant..
 

Doohickey

Centenary Club
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2,112
Well that made me smile and brightened my afternoon. Didn't stop it from being a terrible joke though!
 
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Wanderer

Member
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5,791
When I was a kid we used to call random numbers and ask;

'Is Mr Wall in?'

'No'

'Is Mrs Wall in?'

'No'

'So there are no Walls there at all?'

'No'

'Quick, get out the roof is gonna fall on you!!'

How we'd laugh and get rat-arsed on my mum's Advocaat she thought she'd safely hidden in the cleaning stuff cupboard. Mind you due to my other brother drinking it and watering it down it had gone a bit milky and lost it's potency. We were three brothers - all alcoholics by 9 years old!
 

Saigon

Member
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669
When I was a kid we used to call random numbers and ask;

'Is Mr Wall in?'

'No'

'Is Mrs Wall in?'

'No'

'So there are no Walls there at all?'

'No'

'Quick, get out the roof is gonna fall on you!!'

How we'd laugh and get rat-arsed on my mum's Advocaat she thought she'd safely hidden in the cleaning stuff cupboard. Mind you due to my other brother drinking it and watering it down it had gone a bit milky and lost it's potency. We were three brothers - all alcoholics by 9 years old!
It wasn’t “safely” hidden if it was in the cleaning stuff cupboard, could have been mistaken for the harpic, or the brasso, which we all know is only a special occasion drink. Anyway, didn’t do you any harm, did it ?.
 

rs48635

Member
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2,604
It wasn’t “safely” hidden if it was in the cleaning stuff cupboard, could have been mistaken for the harpic, or the brasso, which we all know is only a special occasion drink. Anyway, didn’t do you any harm, did it ?.
the Father of childhood friend worked on t'trawlers and they liked a drink while at sea. When all booze had gone they drank brasso (after straining it through rags). obviously your gob was coloured "yak sh!t" afterwards but also you were rendered speechless by the swollen tongue. :eek:

those at sea have diverse taste - see Torpedo juice
 
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Wanderer

Member
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5,791
It wasn’t “safely” hidden if it was in the cleaning stuff cupboard, could have been mistaken for the harpic, or the brasso, which we all know is only a special occasion drink. Anyway, didn’t do you any harm, did it ?.
Nah! My mum would make snowballs with it at Christmas and even now I’ve a taste for them
 

Wanderer

Member
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5,791
the Father of childhood friend worked on t'trawlers and they liked a drink while at sea. When all booze had gone they drank brasso (after straining it through rags). obviously your gob was coloured "yak sh!t" afterwards but also you were rendered speechless by the swollen tongue. :eek:
My bro also used to make poteen with an old Burco and copper pipes.

God it was vile but ok with Robinsons black currant cordial. none of us went blind anyway.
 

Saigon

Member
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669
My bro also used to make poteen with an old Burco and copper pipes.

God it was vile but ok with Robinsons black currant cordial. none of us went blind anyway.
Somewhere, not exactly sure where, I have a copy of the ( Blue Flame) published by ARAMCO, it was provided during my early days working in Saudi, thankfully It was a one off and never had to go back to the Middle East for any prolonged period of time, well except once.
 

RSM Masser

Member
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2,324
I ordered a curry last night
Thought I would try a tarka dhall
Not sure what is was so I asked the guy on the phone
He said it was like a chicken dhal - but a little otter
 

stindig

Member
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291
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He lays in bed at night wondering if there really is a dog.
 

RSM Masser

Member
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2,324
A white horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky
“Well” said the barman “we have a whisky named after you”
“Really” says the horse - “what Eric!”
 

spkennyuk

Member
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5,191
Husband says to his wife how about we spice things up in the bedroom ?

The wife says ohhh ok what did you have in mind ?

Husband says how about a role play where i pretend to rape you ?

The wife shocked says NO !

Husband says " Thats the spirit " :eek::eek: