Terrible Jokes Thread

[mowlas]

Did you ever hear about the Origami P0rn channel?
It was paper view only and I’m not surprised it folded.

 

[philw696]

 

[midlifecrisis]

That expensive candle shop is now catering for your garage...

 

[philw696]

Just need a Castrol R 40 and would be paradise

 

[philw696]

A school teacher asked her students to make a sentence containing the expression “I presume”.

One little girl held up her hand and said: “Yesterday my mother hand washed the dinner dishes and

I presumed that the dishwasher was broken.”

“Very good” said the teacher.

Another one said: “This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage, I presume that

the BMW wouldn’t start.”

“That’s excellent” says the teacher.

Little Johnny at the back of the classroom gets up and says: “Yesterday I saw grandpa leave

the house with a newspaper under his arm and headed for the bush, I presume that.......”

The teacher interrupted him and said, “I stopped you because you have no idea

what your grandfather was going to do, so you can’t presume anything.”

Johnny says, “Please Teacher, let me finish my sentence.”

The teacher says, “Very well. Continue.”

“As I was saying, I saw my grandpa heading for the bush with a newspaper under his arm.

I presume he was going for a **** because he can’t read.”

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[philw696]

View attachment 108881


C

Much prefer your technical advice Chris

 

[CatmanV2]

Much prefer your technical advice Chris

I do car design as well. There is no start to my talents!




C

 

[philw696]

I do car design as well. There is no start to my talents!

View attachment 108884


C

Brilliant Chris you're a bit of a legend

 

[Felonious Crud]

Brilliant Chris you're a bit of a legend

Which bit?

 

[CatmanV2]

Which bit?

The bell, I suspect

C

 

[philw696]

Which bit?

Leg end

 

[CatmanV2]

I'll have you know I successfully replaced Mrs C's bathroom light switch this morning. There was no smoke, fires, screaming, tripped circuit breakers or close shaves. I'll have you know I am actually moderately competent. I just admit my mistakes

C

 

[philw696]

You're a Good Sport too

 

[Gazcw]

Just need a Castrol R 40 and would be paradise

Here you go.

Handmade Fuel Scented Candle Castrol R40 Two Stroke Petrol Present | eBay

<p>The ideal candle for all petrol heads, metallic, smoky and with a hint of fuel.</p><p>Inspired by classic racing, perfect for car enthusiasts, man caves, garages, workshops or anyone who enjoys the intoxicating aroma of high octane fuels.</p><p>Handmade in Lowestoft, Suffolk from soy wax for...

www.ebay.co.uk

 

[MarkMas]

 

[Wattie]

Yup.

 

[mowlas]

Yup.View attachment 108915

They don’t make them like they used to.

 

[MarkMas]

Before I tried them, I didn't think orthopaedic shoes would help me.



But I stand corrected.

 

[midlifecrisis]

I think the local police horse has a dodgy shoe. It’s going good clop, bad clop.