Terrible Jokes Thread

[Tallman]

Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers, I’m playing Beethoven
Van Damme: I’ll be Mozart
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I’m not saying it!

 

[CatmanV2]

Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers, I’m playing Beethoven
Van Damme: I’ll be Mozart
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys, I’m not saying it!

Yeah. He didn't say it last time either

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[CatmanV2]

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[JMS]

This used to indicate a weed farm.
This winter it indicates a lottery win.

 

[Zep]

What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

 

[CatmanV2]

Still can't get over the fact that the word 'gullible' looks like a cat upside down!

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[spkennyuk]

Still can't get over the fact that the word 'gullible' looks like a cat upside down!

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No such word as gullible !

 

[MarkMas]

Someone told me a joke about the value of 'trickle-down economics' but I didn't get it.

 

[HenrysDad]

I am always amazed it isn't in the dictionary.

 

[HenrysDad]

Someone told me a joke about the value of 'trickle-down economics' but I didn't get it.

99% don't.

 

[CatmanV2]

One for @Zep



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[philw696]

One for @Zep

View attachment 106687

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Dosent even get 2 stars tells you all you need to know.

 

[CatmanV2]

Dosent even get 2 stars tells you all you need to know.

It's an utterly horrific idea

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[jasst]

Two women were playing golf.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, in the foetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside.
She began to massage him.
She then asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like ****!”

 

[Nibby]

My mate got taken to hospital because he’s convinced he’s a vacuum cleaner.
I phoned the hospital to see how he is and they said “He’s picking up”

 

[2b1ask1]

My mate got taken to hospital because he’s convinced he’s a vacuum cleaner.
I phoned the hospital to see how he is and they said “He’s picking up”

Sucks to be him!

 

[philw696]

 

[mowlas]

 

[CatmanV2]

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[CatmanV2]

I've just read that taking your bike to work everyday is good for the environment, so I thought oh well, why not?
It's not like I'm using the roof rack for anything else anyway

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