Terrible Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Zep
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CatmanV2
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Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses.
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them. . . They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' Nodding and addressing each of them individually, Then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and Bought even more outrageous outfits..
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
C
The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' topless blonde came walking straight towards them. . . They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' Nodding and addressing each of them individually, Then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and Bought even more outrageous outfits..
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous topless blonde came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them and said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'
She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'
C
midlifecrisis
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My chow mein was cold when it eventually arrived.
happydaze
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It was a small all-girls school in Wales, and all the girls were lined up for their School Photograph. When the photographer got behind the camera, one of the girls asked her friend (use you best Welsh accent):
"What's he doing?"
"He's going to focus." she replied.
"What....all of us???"
midlifecrisis
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Zee Germans are up to no good now...
Wattie
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Little boy approaches his dad.
“Dad how were people born?”
“Well, God created Adam and Eve and they made babies that grew up to be adults and they made more babies and so on” replied the Dad.
Thanks says the little boy who then approached his Mum and asks the same question.
“Well, we were once monkeys” replied the Mum “and we evolved to become who we are now”
“Oh” says the boy and he runs off to find his father.
“You lied to me!” He shouted
“No” says the father, “Your Mum was talking about her side of the family”
“Dad how were people born?”
“Well, God created Adam and Eve and they made babies that grew up to be adults and they made more babies and so on” replied the Dad.
Thanks says the little boy who then approached his Mum and asks the same question.
“Well, we were once monkeys” replied the Mum “and we evolved to become who we are now”
“Oh” says the boy and he runs off to find his father.
“You lied to me!” He shouted
“No” says the father, “Your Mum was talking about her side of the family”
RodTungsten
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CatmanV2
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Might be a repeat....
A Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this.?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make £24,000 a year and you make £1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work.?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.... "Try doing it with the engine running!.
C
A Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this.?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make £24,000 a year and you make £1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work.?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.... "Try doing it with the engine running!.
C
BJL
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Klive
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And soggy.
P5Nij
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One of my (very) Jewish Grandad's oldies : Manni Greenbaum and his old chum Moisha Schwartz are walking down the road when Manni says to Moisha ''sorry to hear about the terrible fire in your schmutter warehouse'', to which Moisha replies ''yes, awful business, should happen next Wednesday, God willing''.
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