midlifecrisis
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No mention of bite marks...Not a joke, apparently. Or is it?
Terrible Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Zep
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midlifecrisis
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midlifecrisis
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DLax69
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I kept looking for our orange guy there...seems like something he'd be in to.
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Don't you have a Renault 4..?
2b1ask1
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gb-gta
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Not a joke, apparently. Or is it?
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philw696
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An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor of you?"
"Of course child. What can I do for you?"
"I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened, but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly hide it under your robes for me?""I would love to help you my dear; but, I must warn you, I will not lie!""With your honest face, Father, I'm sure no one will question you!"When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?""From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist down to the floor?""I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next, please!"
"Of course child. What can I do for you?"
"I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened, but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly hide it under your robes for me?""I would love to help you my dear; but, I must warn you, I will not lie!""With your honest face, Father, I'm sure no one will question you!"When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?""From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist down to the floor?""I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused."Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next, please!"
philw696
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A man owned a small trucking firm on the outskirts of town. The local Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his workers and sent an investigator out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay each of them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the owner, "there's my head driver who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free meals and accomadation costs and allowances.
The administration lady has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus a fuel card and mobile phone.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours a day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work. He makes about $100 per week and pays for his own fuel and maintenance costs.
But, Il buy him a box of bourbons every Saturday night, and occasionally he gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's the guy we want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're looking at him," replied the owner.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay each of them," demanded the investigator.
"Well," replied the owner, "there's my head driver who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free meals and accomadation costs and allowances.
The administration lady has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus a fuel card and mobile phone.
Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours a day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work. He makes about $100 per week and pays for his own fuel and maintenance costs.
But, Il buy him a box of bourbons every Saturday night, and occasionally he gets to sleep with my wife."
"That's the guy we want to talk to... the half-wit," says the investigator.
"You're looking at him," replied the owner.
Flint
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