Terrible Jokes Thread

[mowlas]

My girlfriend threw me out of the house last night because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions…don’t worry though….


I’ll return.

Always better to be the one doing the chucking.... you should have been the one to terminate her.

 

[Zep]

Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi.
VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it.

 

[HenrysDad]

Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi.
VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart.
Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it.

Very subtle. Who will be Brahms and Liszt?

 

[Gazcw]

I need a hobby. I quite fancy keeping budgerigars I’ve been given a bird cage and stand. Where can I get budgies going cheep?

 

[Gazcw]

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.
It was a Lamb Bikini.

 

[midlifecrisis]

Very subtle. Who will be Brahms and Liszt?

Ollie Reed and Dean Martin

 

[mowlas]

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit.
It was a Lamb Bikini.

In that case, couldn’t have been carrying much in the trunk

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[midlifecrisis]

I was walking down the road with the wife when we saw four men attacking the mother-in-law on the other side of the road. My wife screamed that I should help.

I said 'four should be enough '.


Credit: Les Dawson

 

[mowlas]

When I opened the front door this morning, someone had left a tub of plasticine on the doorstep. I didn’t know what to make of it.

 

[mowlas]

Yesterday, I was walking down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, 1mb.

Tell you what, that was like a trip down memory lane.

 

[spkennyuk]

Yesterday, I was walking down a street where the houses were numbered 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, 1mb.

Tell you what, that was like a trip down memory lane.

Memory lane must be near Ramsbottom. Will get my coat the jokes thread is a tough gig.

 

[daverichardson]

I need a hobby. I quite fancy keeping budgerigars I’ve been given a bird cage and stand. Where can I get budgies going cheep?

Get them on higher purches

 

[Scaf]

our current health service, especially GP’s, now they are a joke

 

[philw696]

 

[lifes2short]

 

[CatmanV2]

I almost got ran over by a Mr. Kipling lorry
Luckily for me they had exceedingly good brakes!


C

 

[CatmanV2]

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory…
All I did was take a day off!

C

 

[mowlas]

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory…
All I did was take a day off!

C

Should have taken them to an industrial tribunal… could have had your day in court!

 

[happydaze]

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory…
All I did was take a day off!

C

Similar thing happened to me.
I kept eating the dates...