Terrible Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Zep
- Start date
safrane
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No, Nick Kershaw, and Elton John/George Michel obviously as well as who ever is playing 'Annie' these days
midlifecrisis
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If you're ever feeling down, remember life is all about perspective.
A friend has sex 3-4 times a week, exercises twice a day, reads 2-3 books a week yet everyday
he complains about being in prison...
A friend has sex 3-4 times a week, exercises twice a day, reads 2-3 books a week yet everyday
he complains about being in prison...
philw696
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A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man in the Village that they offered a standing £1000 bet.
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers, they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said, “I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay", grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
"I’m a Tax man.”
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers, they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said, “I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay", grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
"I’m a Tax man.”
Gazcw
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That is bad.
mowlas
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I’d be lion if I didn’t say I believe you are over-sphinxing this.
CatmanV2
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2b1ask1
Special case
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definitely worthy of this thread Chris.
mowlas
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I heard she fired their roady that day for forgetting to bring her luxury toilet on wheels. She quipped that he should have been better at “knowing me, and towing loo”.
spkennyuk
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A week later the Tax mans ex wife heard about the bet and beat her ex husband. She managed to squeeze another 6 drops from the lemon and took half his previous winnings.
Last edited:
mowlas
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God news spreads fast. This must have presented quite a dalia-lemma for the monk.
MarkMas
Chief pedant
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Don't make a habit abbot puns like this.
mowlas
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I’ll try but can’t commit to a vow of silence on this.
JonnyWhitters
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My girlfriend threw me out of the house last night because of my bad Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions…don’t worry though….
I’ll return.
I’ll return.