Terrible Jokes Thread

[midlifecrisis]

Sorry to hear that. You should look at your stress levels and alcohol consumption. I'm sure the situation is reversible.

Agreed, we should talk about men's health more often.

 

[Felonious Crud]

Agreed, we should talk about men's health more often.

Mostly we have finessed our skills in damaging it.

 

[CatmanV2]

Sorry to hear that. You should look at your stress levels and alcohol consumption. I'm sure the situation is reversible.

I'm surprised it took you that *long*

C

 

[midlifecrisis]

A mortgage for a house usually takes 25 years to pay off.

You get 10 years for robbing a bank...and free accommodation.

Follow me for more financial advice...

 

[midlifecrisis]

The Ardingly Horse Trials are on next week...

Dunno what they've done but I hope justice is done .

 

[MarkMas]

Apparently, the Beastie Boys are releasing a five-part 'greatest hits' anthology.

Parts A to D are readily available on streaming services, but you have to fight for your right to Part E.

 

[Felonious Crud]

The Ardingly Horse Trials are on next week...

Dunno what they've done but I hope justice is done .

There'll be some long faces that day.

 

[midlifecrisis]

There'll be some long faces that day.

Only if the judges say 'neigh' ...they might say 'hay'

 

[midlifecrisis]

I don't live in a rough area (no weatherspoons) but two blind men were having a scrap ...

You should have seen their faces when I shouted 'my money is on the one with the knife'

 

[CatmanV2]

I don't live in a rough area (no weatherspoons) but two blind men were having a scrap ...

You should have seen their faces when I shouted 'my money is on the one with the knife'

Listen, the area I lived in was so rough, first prize in the pub raffle was an alibi!

C

 

[Nibby]

Just found out I’m colour blind.
That came out of the purple.

 

[midlifecrisis]

Listen, the area I lived in was so rough, first prize in the pub raffle was an alibi!

C

Conversley, the Middle-Class estate near me is so posh, the kids attack you with squirty cream then put a cherry on your head...Life is tough in the Gateaux...

 

[spkennyuk]

Genuine advert. Thought i would post it here for your amusement.



Great way to alienate 3/4 of your potential customers.

 

[midlifecrisis]

Genuine advert. Thought i would post it here for your amusement.

View attachment 118392

Great way to alienate 3/4 of your potential customers.

Well the can just hop it!

 

[Chiveroni]

I do.....

C

I'm going to show my age - when I started in IT our IBM mainframe was using 8" single-sided floppies - pioneering days! Batch of them were set on the top of a washing machine-sized reader and each one droppped into a slot, was read / written and then popped up again and conveyed to the other side of the machine

 

[Chiveroni]

My fave is still the Tim Vine winner from a few years ago....

I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner on eBay.
Well, it was just gathering dust.

I liked "I've removed all my German contacts from my mobile phone. It's now Hans free"

 

[midlifecrisis]

I made a joke during a works zoom call, nobody laughed....

I'm not even remotely funny....

 

[philw696]

 

[mowlas]

 

[MarkMas]

I was going to give up naturism; but I think I will stick it out for a bit longer.