Terrible Jokes Thread

[Wattie]

Lawyers just called.
I’ve apparently inherited a painting and a violin which have turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

 

[Dman666]

to early

 

[Swedish Paul]

Lawyers just called.
I’ve apparently inherited a painting and a violin which have turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.

God bless Tommy Cooper

 

[midlifecrisis]

Due to a conflict in travel plans I missed the Urology seminar...

But luckily I saw the live stream...

 

[Wattie]

Presumably good at keeping people “Staying Alive”.

 

[Wattie]

Fun Fact.
The majority of archeologists are women due to their natural ability to dig up the past.

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[mowlas]

View attachment 108345

Presumably good at keeping people “Staying Alive”.

Not if you have a Night Fever

 

[mowlas]

My wife asked me to join her at her Yoga class this evening. I declined and told her that would put me in an awkward position.

 

[Swedish Paul]

My wife asked me to join her at her Yoga class this evening. I declined and told her that would put me in an awkward position.

I applied to join a yoga class. They asked if I was flexible. I said I can’t do Tuesdays.
God bless Tommy Cooper.

 

[CatmanV2]

I applied to join a jogs class. They asked if I was flexible. I said I can’t do Tuesdays.
God bless Tommy Cooper.

I suspect autocorrect has been at your post again....

C

 

[Swedish Paul]

I suspect autocorrect has been at your post again....

C

Bloody thing.

 

[Swedish Paul]

I applied to join a yoga class. They asked if I was flexible. I said I can’t do Tuesdays.
God bless Tommy Cooper.

 

[Swedish Paul]

It’s hard work correcting you’re mistakes…

And I did that deliberately before you start

 

[Wattie]

 

[mowlas]

Surely the best headline for the beer ban?

 

[mowlas]

Just a coincidental photo… no doubt…

 

[MarkMas]

I've just got back from the gym. They have a brilliant new machine there, and I used it for about 40 minutes, but I had to stop when I started to feel a bit sweaty and sick. It really does deliver everything you could want, though: Kit-Kats, Mars bars, Crisps, Pepsi, the lot.

 

[Nibby]

 

[Gazcw]

Surely the best headline for the beer ban?

View attachment 108392

Oh no. How will England fans manage to watch 90mins of football without beer. What has the world come too when beer is banned.. FFS. Headline news. Really!!