Terrible Jokes Thread

[DLax69]

 

[DLax69]

 

[CatmanV2]

Without a doubt my favourite Robin Williams film is Mrs Fire.

C

 

[CatmanV2]

Earlier today I spent almost two hours in Waterstones signing books.
This wasn’t bad when you consider that last time they caught me after ten minutes.

C

 

[CatmanV2]

I've just been to PC World.
You have to be so careful what you say in there.

C

 

[CatmanV2]

Looks like we're in for a bad spell of wheather...

C

 

[zagatoes30]

 

[CatmanV2]

A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It’s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said....
"OK, I give up. Where's the freaking ship?"

C

 

[zagatoes30]

A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, It’s not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" Or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.
The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... With the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said....
"OK, I give up. Where's the freaking ship?"

C

Meets the criteria but pretty sure that joke is older than me - well done

 

[spkennyuk]

I've just been to PC World.
You have to be so careful what you say in there.

C

Did they sell you a time machine ! it is Currys again now.

Making a right Dixons of yourself now

 

[Harry]

 

[MarkMas]

I ordered a dozen bees from Amazon, but they sent 13. I asked about the extra one and the said it was a....

 

[stindig]

Free bee

 

[Nibby]

 

[Nibby]

 

[Tallman]

 

[DLax69]

 

[DLax69]

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[Gazcw]