Terrible Jokes Thread

Flint

Flint

Member
Messages
350
A radio station was running a competition - words that weren't in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: "96 FM here, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, my name's Dave."
DJ: "Dave, what's your word?"
Caller: "Goan... spelt G-O-A-N pronounced 'go-an'."
DJ: "You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Goan f**k yourself!"
The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:
DJ: "96 FM, what's your name?"
Caller: "Hi, me name's Jeff."
DJ: "Jeff, what's your word?"
Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'."
DJ: "You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?"
Caller: "Smee again! Goan f**k yourself!"
 
MarkMas

MarkMas

Chief pedant
Messages
8,945
Procrastination is excellent.
You always have something to do tomorrow, plus you have nothing to do today.
 
midlifecrisis

midlifecrisis

Member
Messages
16,236
Back in the 80s, an Essex Girl sees an Irishman with L and R on his wellies and asks him why they have been marked as such. The Irishman, obliges and explains that he knows which way to but his boots on, L for his left foot and R for his right foot. The Essex Girl responds 'oh that's probably why my knickers have C&A or them'
 
CatmanV2

CatmanV2

Member
Messages
48,798
393240580_342276851823077_7406208552204974346_n.jpg


C
 
Chiveroni

Chiveroni

Member
Messages
187
Ebenezer said:
Could be apocryphal but my daughter said that a friend of hers had told her that when working as a guide at Windsor Castle, she was asked by one our our Leftpondian cousins why the Queen had built her home underneath the Heathrow flight path.....


Eb
Click to expand...
I swar this is true: my second wife was American and we got married in the US (Newport). We held a pre-wedding party and an elderly relative asked "do you have trees in England". I was also once in a taxi having an interesting conversation with the young black driver. It was in the run ups to the election and we were discussing in Obama had a chance of winning. I was impressed by this young guys reasoning and views. Then he blew it by asking if the UK was a tropical country.....
 
jasst

jasst

Member
Messages
2,318
2 women in heaven...
1st woman: Hi! My name is queenie
2nd woman: Hi! I'm clem. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm an sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you...?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV...
1st woman: So, what happened...?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died...
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive !!!
 
MarkMas

MarkMas

Chief pedant
Messages
8,945
Chiveroni said:
I swar this is true: my second wife was American and we got married in the US (Newport). We held a pre-wedding party and an elderly relative asked "do you have trees in England". I was also once in a taxi having an interesting conversation with the young black driver. It was in the run ups to the election and we were discussing in Obama had a chance of winning. I was impressed by this young guys reasoning and views. Then he blew it by asking if the UK was a tropical country.....
Click to expand...

When I worked (in Europe ) for Americans (in Utah, Tennessee and Ohio), I used to get "What do your dollars look like?" a lot.
 
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