Terrible Jokes Thread

[zagatoes30]

We use too have Empires run by Emperors
Then we had Kingdoms run by Kings
Now we have Countries run by .....

Just saying

 

[Ebenezer]

We use too have Empires run by Emperors
Then we had Kingdoms run by Kings
Now we have Countries run by .....

Just saying

Counts?
Eb

 

[zagatoes30]

Counts?
Eb

O so close

 

[mowlas]

View attachment 119650

It’s not bad at all and I went there with crate expectations.

You can actually have stacks of fun.

 

[2b1ask1]

View attachment 119650

They take Euros, I forked out!

 

[mowlas]

 

[midlifecrisis]

When routine bites hard and ambitions are low
And resentment rides high but emotions won't grow
And we're changing our ways, taking different roads
Then love,



Again...

 

[philw696]

Well that's Christmas sorted out.

 

[HenrysDad]

Why was the Irish currency called a punt?
To rhyme with Bank Manager.

 

[philw696]

 

[zagatoes30]

View attachment 119724

But is that not true of all towns? The only reason we ever went was to play on their snooker table and then wake up the dead whilst we played

 

[philw696]

 

[MarkMas]

We use too have Empires run by Emperors
Then we had Kingdoms run by Kings
Now we have Countries run by .....

Just saying

Hamlet [To Ophelia]: Lady, shall I lie in your lap?
Ophelia: No, my lord!
Hamlet: I mean, my head upon your lap.
Ophelia: Ay, my lord.
Hamlet: Do you think I meant country matters?
Ophelia: I think nothing, my lord.
Hamlet: That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.
Ophelia: What is, my lord?
Hamlet: “Nothing.”
Ophelia: You are merry, my lord.

 

[MarkMas]

Somebody asked me the difference between ignorance and apathy.
I told them I don't know and I don't care.

 

[MarkMas]

Somebody asked me the difference between uninterested and disinterested.
I told them I don't care and it’s not my problem.

 

[MarkMas]

Q: How do you view lesbian relationships?
A: Er, 1080p HDTV?

 

[MarkMas]

I tried to donate blood this morning. Never again! There was so much bureaucracy and so many questions!
Whose blood is this?
Where did you get it?
Why is it in a bucket?
Sheesh!

 

[midlifecrisis]

Just woke up (yup, at work), I had a dream about swimming in a lake of orangeade. Yes it was a Fanta Sea...

 

[midlifecrisis]

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret

 

[Flint]

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died ?

He pasta-way.