I needed to murder my wife but was too afraid so I engaged a hit man Arti Garfunkle.
He said he would do it for £1.00!
I agreed and scraped together the fee
My wife would be wearing a yellow coat and blue Beret as she went grocery shopping on Friday
Arti was waiting but two ladies turned up in identical outfits.
Arti panicked and decided to throttle both then left the scene.
Police picked him up later and he is now in custody
I can see the headline in tomorrows Teesside Times
Artichokes two for a pound in Tesco