Terrible Jokes Thread

rs48635

Member
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3,007
My first proper housemate "Dave" when I left home was not the brightest of our group. Only drank lager, only ate meat pies, but surprisingly skinny. He often called me at work to ask things, how does the dishwasher work, where is the hoover and stuff. Went to work early , left him eating breakfast (we only ever bought corn flakes).
Phone call 30 minutes later,
Dave; " I am really struggling with this jigsaw , can get started"
Me " what's the. picture own the box"
Dave " Big cockerel and some house stuff"
Me: " put all the cornflakes back in the box and get dressed!"
 

HenrysDad

Member
Messages
169
My first proper housemate "Dave" when I left home was not the brightest of our group. Only drank lager, only ate meat pies, but surprisingly skinny. He often called me at work to ask things, how does the dishwasher work, where is the hoover and stuff. Went to work early , left him eating breakfast (we only ever bought corn flakes).
Phone call 30 minutes later,
Dave; " I am really struggling with this jigsaw , can get started"
Me " what's the. picture own the box"
Dave " Big cockerel and some house stuff"
Me: " put all the cornflakes back in the box and get dressed!"
I find that in the GP surgery people often talk about things others have done but in reality it is themselves. Confess.
 

midlifecrisis

Member
Messages
12,870
An old Pilot sat down in Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life flying Bulldogs, Jet Provosts, Hawks, Phantoms and Tornadoes during the first Gulf War and later on I taught people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot – what about you?’

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?’

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.’
 
Last edited:

CatmanV2

Member
Messages
42,777
A bit of DIY today

I've mashed up some Frosties and milk into a paste then used it to fill the gaps inbetween my tiles…
They're grrrrrrrrrrout!

C
 
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