Terrible Jokes Thread

[zagatoes30]

Remember, A Mrs Brown's Boys DVD isn't just for Christmas.

It's also for the bin.

 

[midlifecrisis]

The wife said to me 'have you seen the dog bowl?'

I didn't know it could play cricket...

 

[CatmanV2]

Not terrible but I can never work out to post here, or in Pic of the Day.... Perhaps we need a 'Possibly quite funny jokes / memes' thread?
Anyway.....



C

 

[philw696]

I've ticked a few of those off Chris

 

[CatmanV2]

I've ticked a few of those off Chris

I suspect we all have, mate! 6 for me (and no, I'm not telling you which 6!)

C

 

[Nibby]

Framed photo Of John Lennon's wife for sale.
£100 ono

 

[MarkMas]

What do we want?
Aeroplane noises!
When do we want them?
Neeeeeeoooooow!

 

[happydaze]

BILLY'S GAY DANCER DAD

Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry ,Equipment Specialist etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men.
Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."

 

[MarkMas]

 

[zagatoes30]

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles...

My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

 

[CatmanV2]

Did you hear about the man who fell into a vat of coffee and died..
He did not suffer it was instant


C

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[MarkMas]

View attachment 95674

C

Reminds me of this:

 

[midlifecrisis]

Reminds me of this:

Fake news...

List of battery sizes - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[MarkMas]

Fake news...

List of battery sizes - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

AAA I C D batteries

 

[philw696]

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair. She loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.
Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.
One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. 'STOP!,' he shouted in a firm voice. 'Have you got a license for that thing?'
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. 'OK' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted 'STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said 'On your way, Ma'am.'
As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his 'You-Know- What' in his hand.
'Oh, good grief,' yelled Ethel...
'Not that **** Breathalyzer Test again.

 

[zagatoes30]

 

[MarkMas]

Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen.

 

[spkennyuk]

Will glass coffins become popular?
Remains to be seen.

Still remains to be seen.

3rd outing for the same joke since post 843.

 

[MrPea]

Still remains to be seen.

3rd outing for the same joke since post 843.

I couldn't understand that joke at first, but now it's dead clear.