Terrible Jokes Thread

[zagatoes30]

I am *so* shocked to hear about Russel Brand! I had *NO* idea he was a comedian!

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I thought he sold Kitchen electrical items, toasters, kettles etc.

 

[Flint]

Black horse Cirencester, must be traffic light grand prix night , hope the police can cope

View attachment 118999

I thought the DSS's chariots' natural watering hole was Wetherspoons.

 

[Tallman]

 

[Jamin]

I thought he sold Kitchen electrical items, toasters, kettles etc.

What is the difference between Russel Brand and an american xl bully?
One is a dangerous, vicious unrelenting dog, the other was bred as a companion

 

[philw696]

My wife text me 15 times yesterday to say that she was in Casualty.
Well I watched it twice, and never saw her at all.

 

[mowlas]

 

[Andyk]

Not a terrible joke but didn’t know where else to put it. Anyone remember this brilliant advert. Love Murray.

 

[philw696]

“After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, ‘Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.’

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.”

 

[spkennyuk]

Apparently the Michelin Man has retyred. I told him he was well past his production date and he had an over inflated opinion of himself and he should tread more carefully.

 

[Nibby]

 

[zagatoes30]

View attachment 119152

Oh, an Alfa 146

 

[midlifecrisis]

“After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, ‘Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.

Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.’

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.”

Your maths are rubbish...

 

[CatmanV2]

Oh, an Alfa 146

Bloody ****, so it is!

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[Zep]

Bloody ****, so it is!

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But no one has spotted that it is clearly not in Wales….

 

[zagatoes30]

Bloody ****, so it is!

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I thought you would have spotted that

 

[Gazcw]

 

[CatmanV2]

But no one has spotted that it is clearly not in Wales….

Bahhhhhh!



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[CatmanV2]

I thought you would have spotted that

Never had one (and TBH took me a while to realise there was a car.....)

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[CatmanV2]

C

 

[HenrysDad]

Oh, an Alfa 146

No it isn’t is it? Looks more old 155