Terrible Jokes Thread

[Gazcw]

Guy to his wife: for the last 30 years all you have done is find fault with whatever I say.
Wife: 31 years!

 

[Nibby]

“Doctor I keep thinking I’m a supermarket”
“How long has this been going on?”
“Ever since I was Lidl”

 

[HenrysDad]

“Doctor I keep thinking I’m a supermarket”
“How long has this been going on?”
“Ever since I was Lidl”

Hang on is there an echo in here?

 

[CatmanV2]

Hang on is there an echo in here?

Echo?

https://www.sportsmaserati.com/index.php?threads/terrible-jokes-thread.33510/page-107#post-945298

C

 

[happydaze]

Rabbit #1 "Don't eat that carrot, it's all pithy!"
Rabbit #2 "How do you know?"
Rabbit #1 "Because I pithed on it..."

 

[Nibby]

Echo?

https://www.sportsmaserati.com/index.php?threads/terrible-jokes-thread.33510/page-107#post-945298

C

That'll teach me not to look back.

 

[Gazcw]

Hang on is there an echo in here?

Miss! Miss! Nibby keeps copying me. Tell him to do his own jokes.

 

[MarkMas]

I may not be able to post for a while, as I am in A&E waiting to be admitted to hospital. I don't want to bore you with details, but the 'Dyson Ball Cleaner' is a dangerously misleading product name.

 

[RodTungsten]

One of my brothers- a surgeon - used to tell of the removal of a pepper pot from an unusual location; the pot bearing the inscription ”a present from Brighton.”

 

[CatmanV2]

I may not be able to post for a while, as I am in A&E waiting to be admitted to hospital. I don't want to bore you with details, but the 'Dyson Ball Cleaner' is a dangerously misleading product name.

I was actually worried for a second!

C

 

[Felonious Crud]

Nice diagram but the fuel pipe is really the air intake.

It also misses out the fantastically clever (and sometimes vulnerable) electrical system.

 

[mowlas]

I may not be able to post for a while, as I am in A&E waiting to be admitted to hospital. I don't want to bore you with details, but the 'Dyson Ball Cleaner' is a dangerously misleading product name.

I’ve heard the person who came up with the misleading name has gotten the sac a number of times.

 

[CatmanV2]

I’ve heard the person who came up with the misleading name has gotten the sac a number of times.

I bet that stung!

C

 

[zagatoes30]

Today has been the mother of all sh1tty days... My ex got hit by a bus. And I lost my job as a bus driver!

 

[mowlas]

Did you hear about the mystical Yogi who refused local anaesthesia during a root canal?
His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

[HenrysDad]

I may not be able to post for a while, as I am in A&E waiting to be admitted to hospital. I don't want to bore you with details, but the 'Dyson Ball Cleaner' is a dangerously misleading product name.

Some years ago there was a great Christmas article in the BMJ; Penile injuries due to vacuum cleaners. Apparently the Hoover Dustette with only a short distance between the nozzle and the fan blades was a serious danger to those chaps vacuuming in the nude.

 

[mowlas]

A mathematician wanders back home at 3 a.m. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

“You’re late!” she shouts. “You said you’d be home by 11:45!”

“Actually,” the mathematician replies coolly, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”

 

[CatmanV2]

Follow me for more money saving tips

C

 

[Gransport Devon]

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head ? Cliff.

 

[midlifecrisis]

it's amazing what quality you can buy on fbook marketplace