Terrible Jokes Thread

HenrysDad

Member
Messages
247
Always remember on my old Alfa 2000 which was a 71 the left hand wheel nuts were left hand thread.
Commercial vehicles used to be the same.
Ye gods I couldn't sleep so got up and you face me with this! It is too much. There is a strange but perverted logic to the left hand thread on the left hand wheels.
Did the hand book also say that damage may result if you exceed 30mph in reverse?
 

RodTungsten

Member
Messages
175
Always remember on my old Alfa 2000 which was a 71 the left hand wheel nuts were left hand thread.
Commercial vehicles used to be the same.
My British racing green 3.8 MkII Jag had knock on wire wheels LnR threads - **** battery but it would start on the handle or a Glasgow slope (student wheels!). Still around somewhere: DWR 182B - taxed and running? Ran a lot of thirsty old heaps in the 70’s as petrol prices put them on the market.
 

zagatoes30

Centenary Club
Messages
17,944
Always remember on my old Alfa 2000 which was a 71 the left hand wheel nuts were left hand thread.
Commercial vehicles used to be the same.
Alfetta based cars have 3 brake adjusters that turn clockwise to withdraw and one on the rear that turns counter clockwise to withdraw
 

HenrysDad

Member
Messages
247
As does swearing when a bolt isn't playing
No, the swearing comes when you use one of the previously mentioned adjustable spanners and turn the hexagonal nut into a circle (taking the skin off your knuckles in the process) and realise that you should have walked and got the correct tool for the job. "You bleeping moron" as the lovely cocktail of oil and blood is sucked by oneself.

Hmm, as an afterthought what do we want to call that cocktail? The mechanic?
 

midlifecrisis

Member
Messages
13,258
No, the swearing comes when you use one of the previously mentioned adjustable spanners and turn the hexagonal nut into a circle (taking the skin off your knuckles in the process) and realise that you should have walked and got the correct tool for the job. "You bleeping moron" as the lovely cocktail of oil and blood is sucked by oneself.

Hmm, as an afterthought what do we want to call that cocktail? The mechanic?
I'll have a Grazed Knuckle please barman...

which oil? 10w40!
and blood type... oooh O+ please