Swedish Paul
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I think it’s Gerupta as told by by late step-mum. Along with
There’s a Japanese fella who is infamous for stealing cars. His name is Tommy Tookamota.
Terrible Jokes Thread
- Thread starter Zep
- Start date
There’s a Japanese fella who is infamous for stealing cars. His name is Tommy Tookamota.
Zep
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That makes a lot more sense, that’s for sure!
MarkMas
Chief pedant
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Israeli true, though.
midlifecrisis
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The world would be a far better place if women came with instructions...
But then again, would us men read them?
But then again, would us men read them?
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Yes, hateful stuff. I'm more of an Adnams man myself.
midlifecrisis
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Manchester United player recruitment process...
Now this is a terrible joke....
Now this is a terrible joke....
midlifecrisis
Member
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- 16,233
I was at a posh wine and cheese evening and everyone was getting very drunk except for myself. I was accused of drink non-alcoholic grape juice.
I said that it was a Shloer...
I said that it was a Shloer...
philw696
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- 25,477
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!
You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency,
here's £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie!
Where the are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,
"Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!"
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!
You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency,
here's £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie!
Where the are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,
"Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!"
daverichardson
Member
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- 6,001
Mam
When I grow up I want to be a drummer
Sorry son you cannot do both
When I grow up I want to be a drummer
Sorry son you cannot do both
happydaze
Member
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- 574
A young chap enquired about the "Assistant Wanted" sign outside the farrier's workshop.
"Can you shoe a horse?" asked the farrier.
"Can't see why not, there's not much I'm not good at." he replied.
The farrier had an urgent appointment, and thought he would give this young bloke a chance. He handed him a set of horse-shoes, a box of nails, and showed him where the tools were.
"See that grey horse over there - I want you to fit these new shoes to it while I'm out. I'll be back in 2 hours, any questions?"
"Not a problem" said the young fella.
When the farrier returned, he saw a set of shoes that were attached perfectly to the grey horse. A beautiful job - only problem, the horse was laying dead on the floor!
"What happened?" exclaimed the farrier.
"Don't know" replied the young bloke, "he's been like that ever since I took him out of the vice!"
"Can you shoe a horse?" asked the farrier.
"Can't see why not, there's not much I'm not good at." he replied.
The farrier had an urgent appointment, and thought he would give this young bloke a chance. He handed him a set of horse-shoes, a box of nails, and showed him where the tools were.
"See that grey horse over there - I want you to fit these new shoes to it while I'm out. I'll be back in 2 hours, any questions?"
"Not a problem" said the young fella.
When the farrier returned, he saw a set of shoes that were attached perfectly to the grey horse. A beautiful job - only problem, the horse was laying dead on the floor!
"What happened?" exclaimed the farrier.
"Don't know" replied the young bloke, "he's been like that ever since I took him out of the vice!"
philw696
Member
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- 25,477
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought...
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.... .'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES
He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought...
Soon he sees another sign which reads:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES
Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:
SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.... .'
'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him.
The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.