Terrible Jokes Thread

[philw696]

 

[midlifecrisis]

Wisdom comes with age, I therefore do not have wrinkles, but wise cracks...

 

[MarkMas]

A shark can swim a lot faster than me.
But I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would really come down to which of us was the better cyclist.

 

[Nibby]

Ronnie and Veggie

 

[safrane]

He was never that tall...I was surprised to see he was about 5'x5" when he was in Weald Wing... and as blind as a bat.

 

[philw696]

My mate's just told me he's got his first major part in a play. He's going to play the role of a man who's been married for 15 years.
I told him maybe next time he'll get a speaking part.

 

[Nibby]

I missed the World Hairdressing Championship on tele last night, does anyone know if they're showing the highlights?

 

[Nibby]

 

[mowlas]

 

[midlifecrisis]

Just found out that Albert Einstein was a real person.

I always thought that he was a theoretical physicist...

 

[Nibby]

 

[Felonious Crud]

He was never that tall...I was surprised to see he was about 5'x5" when he was in Weald Wing... and as blind as a bat.

5'x5" would be very strange dimensions. No wonder you were surprised. Also, it's amazing he didn't escape just by walking between the bars.

 

[safrane]

5'x5" would be very strange dimensions. No wonder you were surprised. Also, it's amazing he didn't escape just by walking between the bars.

Used chicken wire

 

[mowlas]

View attachment 104162

A step in the right direction.

 

[midlifecrisis]

One we call all relate to

 

[HenrysDad]

View attachment 104189

One we call all relate to

Generally I stick my tongue out too.

 

[mowlas]

 

[midlifecrisis]

Generally I stick my tongue out too.

Unscrewing ~Tongue out to the left
Screwing in ~ Tongue out to the right

Unless it's a left-hand thread.

 

[HenrysDad]

Unscrewing ~Tongue out to the left
Screwing in ~ Tongue out to the right

Unless it's a left-hand thread.

As I taught the kids; tighten to the righten loosy to the lefty. Left hand threads just confuse me.

 

[philw696]

Always remember on my old Alfa 2000 which was a 71 the left hand wheel nuts were left hand thread.
Commercial vehicles used to be the same.