Terrible Jokes Thread


Centenary Club
You should never leave painkillers by a bird cage because the parrots eat 'em all.

Can't take any credit - popped up on my FB but it really tickled me. :lol2:


Four nuns are going up to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the pearly gates and says:

"I have to ask you all something: have you ever touched a man's penis"?

The first nun replies: "Only once, and just with the tip of my finger".

St. Peter replies: "Very well then. Dip your finger in the holy water and go on into heaven".

He asks the second nun the same question, and she replies:

"Just once....with.. um... the palm of my hand".

"Wash your hand in the holy water and go on into heaven".

Just then the fourth nun barges in front of the third nun.

"Please wait your turn" says St.Peter.

The fourth nun angrily replies:

"I am not gargling with that after she's had her *** in it"!


Centenary Club
My car wouldn’t start this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly he said, “Hello, sir. You are a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too."

I realised the problem straight away….

Bat flattery