Terrible Jokes Thread

Phil H

Phil H

Member
Messages
4,183
CatmanV2 said:
View attachment 121879

C
Click to expand...


The boss had asked for one of these:

Jaguar_Mk_II_Mascot__Jaguar_Leaper__1964_-_8905517500-1160x500.jpg



Just as well he didn't ask for one of these:

76612148_2304160456379492_7623899904854720512_n.png
 
CatmanV2

CatmanV2

Member
Messages
48,891
My partner is throwing me out because of my Only Fools and Horses obsession...
I'd better fetch the suitcase from the van!

C
 
CatmanV2

CatmanV2

Member
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48,891
An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital during the Great War. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury.

He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:
"Fair fa' yer sonsie face, Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place, painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."

The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:
"Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit."

This continues with the next patient:
"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi bickering brattle I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
Wi murdering prattle!"

"Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nae, nae," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit."

C
 
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