Terrible Jokes Thread

CatmanV2

CatmanV2

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Ebenezer

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Could be apocryphal but my daughter said that a friend of hers had told her that when working as a guide at Windsor Castle, she was asked by one our our Leftpondian cousins why the Queen had built her home underneath the Heathrow flight path.....


Eb
 
midlifecrisis

midlifecrisis

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Ebenezer said:
Could be apocryphal but my daughter said that a friend of hers had told her that when working as a guide at Windsor Castle, she was asked by one our our Leftpondian cousins why the Queen had built her home underneath the Heathrow flight path.....


Eb
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A Texan was at the gardens of Hampton Court and asked the guide how they get the lawns so immaculate. The guide said that it was simple, we water them well, the Texan replied that he watered his lawns every day but still can't get them as good as the Royal Palace. Well we feed the lawns too, the Texan replied that he does too. We cut them twice a week with a very sharp blade, the Texan said that he used samurai sharp lawn mowers twice a week too. The guide continued, well we roll them with a heavy roller for 500 years...
 
Felonious Crud

Felonious Crud

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Ebenezer said:
Could be apocryphal but my daughter said that a friend of hers had told her that when working as a guide at Windsor Castle, she was asked by one our our Leftpondian cousins why the Queen had built her home underneath the Heathrow flight path.....


Eb
Click to expand...
At the Van Gogh museum in Amsterdam many years ago I commented that one piece (I forget which) was the last he painted before his death. I had no clue, I was just making stuff up. An American nearby asked how I knew that, so I said that Van Gogh had written 'this is the last painting I did before I died' in the lower right of the painting, and although his words are largely hidden by the frame if you look carefully you can just about see the tops of the words. In they leant to take a closer look...

I should caveat that smart Americans are also available. These ones were presumably just slightly stoned off their t!ts, or jetlagged.
 
MarkMas

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Ebenezer said:
Could be apocryphal but my daughter said that a friend of hers had told her that when working as a guide at Windsor Castle, she was asked by one our our Leftpondian cousins why the Queen had built her home underneath the Heathrow flight path.....


Eb
Click to expand...


Someone asked at the Bodmin tourist office why they didn't build the station in the centre of the town. The guide responded that they thought it would be better to build the station near the railway.

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midlifecrisis

midlifecrisis

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Due to the amount of space junk floating round the Flat Earth (!), NASA are going to launch a spaceship to remedy the situation.

It's called Apollo G
 
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