Terrible Jokes Thread

philw696

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Bath Night

A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don?t go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:

"Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the **** did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!Bath Night

A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don?t go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:

"Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the **** did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!
 

sionie1

Member
Messages
885
Bath Night

A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don?t go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:

"Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the **** did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!Bath Night

A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, don?t go to darts. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed the girl that indeed, she was far from hairless.

When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked:

"Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the **** did you have to show her yours."

"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!
Blimey, so good you told it twice!!! :D
 

Scaf

Member
Messages
4,043
I went for my booster jab today. But I do regret going w
I went for my booster jab today. But I do regret going wearing a clown suit.

I felt a bit of a pric.k
I felt a bit of a pric.k
I don’t care if you were wearing a clown suit, admitting feeling a pric.k on a public forum is very brave, good for you :D
 
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RodTungsten

New Member
Messages
21
A woman sitting in a bar carefully takes out of her pocket a tiny piano and then a hamster. On the bar the hamster begins to play Chopin nocturnes.

A man, impressed offers her £3000 cash for the hamster but the woman declines saying that she has had the hamster for a long time and could not bear to part with a friend.

She gives the hamster a peanut to nibble and reaches into an inner pocket and takes out a frog, places it on the bar whereupon the frog recites Shakespeare’s sonnets and Lennon McCartney lyrics.

The man offers the woman the £3000 cash for the frog and the woman reluctantly accepts the wad and hands over the frog.

After the man leaves the bar the barman says to the woman “That was a bargain for a talking frog!” The woman replies “I have a pond full of frogs and my hamster is a ventriloquist.”
 

lifes2short

Member
Messages
5,019
A Jewish woman walks up to a Rabbi

She says "I heard you do circumcisions"

The Rabbi responds "Oh, I do a little snip snip here, a little snip snip there"

Curious, the Jewish woman asks "Do you make much for doing that?"

To her surprise the Rabbi says "I don't make much, but I do get to keep the tips!"
 

Nibby

Member
Messages
813
Mick Jagger, Madonna and Elton John are at the zoo, they’re looking at the gorillas in the cages and Madonna decides to get a closer look and gets her head caught in the railings, Mick Jagger says to Elton “Now’s my chance I’ve always fancied that Madonna” so Mick does his dirty deed and then after his finished turns to Elton and says “Go on Elton your turn” and Elton replies “ I don’t think I’d get my head through the railings”
 

midlifecrisis

Member
Messages
11,395
Mick Jagger, Madonna and Elton John are at the zoo, they’re looking at the gorillas in the cages and Madonna decides to get a closer look and gets her head caught in the railings, Mick Jagger says to Elton “Now’s my chance I’ve always fancied that Madonna” so Mick does his dirty deed and then after his finished turns to Elton and says “Go on Elton your turn” and Elton replies “ I don’t think I’d get my head through the railings”
That joke needs updating...