St. Bins Day?

Oishi

Member
Messages
435
And what then is this St. Bins day of which you speak? Do the acolytes in thy fair land come forth to collect the offerings from your dwellings direct?
In the poor and mean state in which I abide, we must journey many miles, and make pilgrimage, to the goodly place known as "Dump". There unto to make sacrifice, and offerings. And the Monks, the denizens of Dump, place judgement upon our gifts, declaring, " Garbage", or "Trash", or "Recycle". But woe be unto the one to whom it is declared " No, yer can't leave that here, take it back!" And in that day there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, and with much wringing of hands, thine sacrifice is thus rejected. And no blessings will be bestowed upon those whose offerings are rejected, and the journey home shall be filled with sorrow.
Oh what an enlightened land ye fortunate folk indwell, to have St. Bins Day, and to celebrate each week.
Salutations!
 

midlifecrisis

Member
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9,873
St Bin's day is celebrated once a week in this fair and free social democracy. Whereby the Local Council Monks of the Dump set forth and scour the Counicl Borough for detritus left by the residents with an unerring animosity despite being showered will gold once a month and an excellent public servants' pension. They seek out black bins one week, green bins the next which sometimes accompanied by brown bins that contains 'green' waste. In days of yore, they would awaken the residents in the early morn by using the old metal bins as timpani and leave behind a trail of waste in their wake. Should you have need to dispose of a large item you may arrange for the monks to make a special visit for a personal blessing from them.
 

CatmanV2

Member
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37,082
Yea! Praise to St Bin! He cometh right early, as a thief in the night. Or at least the early morning, if you be lucky. And the day of his coming shall be Friday!

C
 

zagatoes30

Centenary Club
Messages
15,514
Praise be St Bin, whose day of offering is of today, already have we laid the offering in vessel of blue as deemed by the calendar created by his loyal scribe at the hallowed collection point. St Bin will arrive in his chariot of stench with much noise to collect or not our offerings and thereby once again provide his service so long as we honour him with payments of gold on the monthly cycle.
 

CatmanV2

Member
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37,082
St Bin ails, he now appears fortnightly and charges extortionately
He punishes you for your lack of faith! St Bin is strong with us in Harlow! Yeah, rightly once per week for the waste of food and once per fortnight for the waste of re-cycles, non-recycles and green!

C
 

Markc

Member
Messages
121
And lo remember the wisdom passed down from generation to generation as to the folly of challenging the Monks of Stench as to what be and what be not “residual waste” for St. Bin careth not for false Idols and the Monks shall smite thee forever more and issue gospel according to St. Bin with much lewdness and proclamations to “f*ck thee up proper like”. But forever and a day can paradise be found by the simple act of offering up to St. Bin everything be it known as “Residual Waste” or be it not by bringing all together in the bag known as that of Black and hence lobbing all to St. Bin with the salutation “take that Monk with the lowered charriot with camber of the negative and drain pipe even though it have the power of a dozen rotting mules and reverse thyself onto it with much zeal” and then bless all with finger of righteousness.
 

zagatoes30

Centenary Club
Messages
15,514
At the allotted hour the prophecy came to pass and didst the Monks of St Bin sweep down in their Chariot of Stench and our offering was deemed good and was accepted

but the God of Weather was unkind he forced down on them torrents of rain which impressed the Monks little and they cast doubts of the God of Weather hereditary and called him names of distaste and of his disciples from the land of Ikea and swore to cast their offerings to the four corners of the world for here to eternity

and so it came to pass that there was happiness in this household, rejoicing and partying until the next
 
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5,675
St Bins appeared today as in a vision. He took the household and also the plastic idols leaving some on the byway as is his norm.
He arriveth only monthly now for the forest and there is much debate among the elders about his appearances and the taxes to be paid. some of his entourage will be smitten and never seen again when this comes to pass in the eleventh month
 

Felonious Crud

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Staff member
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15,806
Revelations 13: 11-18
And I beheld another bin rising out of the driveway; it had two handles like a lamb, and smelt as a dragon.

And he exercises all the power of the first bin before him, and causes the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first bin, whose stinky stench was foul.

And he did great wonders, even making the bin's chariot come down from the depot to earth in the sight of all,

By the wonders it had power to do on behalf of the bin, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth, telling them to make an image to the bin, which had the stench of a drain, and yet lived.

And it had power to give breath to the image of the bin, that the image of the bin should both speak, and cause those who would not worship the image of the bin to be killed.

And it caused all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

That none could buy or sell, who did not have the mark: the name of the bin, or the day of his name.

Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding calculate the day of the bin: for it is the day of a man; and his day is Tuesday.
 

zagatoes30

Centenary Club
Messages
15,514
Revelations 13: 11-18
And I beheld another bin rising out of the driveway; it had two handles like a lamb, and smelt as a dragon.

And he exercises all the power of the first bin before him, and causes the earth and them which dwell therein to worship the first bin, whose stinky stench was foul.

And he did great wonders, even making the bin's chariot come down from the depot to earth in the sight of all,

By the wonders it had power to do on behalf of the bin, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth, telling them to make an image to the bin, which had the stench of a drain, and yet lived.

And it had power to give breath to the image of the bin, that the image of the bin should both speak, and cause those who would not worship the image of the bin to be killed.

And it caused all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:

That none could buy or sell, who did not have the mark: the name of the bin, or the day of his name.

Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding calculate the day of the bin: for it is the day of a man; and his day is Tuesday.
Thou are an artful scribe and speak many truths but have been deceived by false idols but thou are not beyond redemption.

Open your eyes and see the truth the day of St Bin is and will always be Thursday
 

zagatoes30

Centenary Club
Messages
15,514
<froths at mouth>
BLASPHEMER! I have shown over and again the arrival of the Noisome Wagon, and FRIDAY is the day of its coming!

</fam>

C
Thou doest dwelleth in the darklands, ruled over by the Lord of Darkness and the home of false truths - this is the truth (have you seen TOWIE?)
 

CatmanV2

Member
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37,082
TOWIE is a foul calumny spread by those that fear our righteousness and our devotion to St Bin who sayeth unto us, and us alone 'Yea, your offerings pleaseth me. Care ye not for those lesser tribes where I shall visit them on less holy days, and even unto once per month. Ye are blessed of St Bin and I shall visit ye, yea unto four times a month and also on the holiest of days. And thus, Friday will be the day of your observance, and by this, and the extreme stench of the Noisome Juggernaut, know ye that ye are the most favoured of St Bin'

So ya, boo, sucks ;)

C
 

Felonious Crud

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15,806
The chariot of the bin stood on the shore of the sea. And I saw a wheely bin coming out of the sea. It had ten handles and seven wheels, with ten bin bags on its handles, and each bin bag did drip with blasphemous and foul bin juice The bin I saw resembled a wheely bin, but had feet like those of a pedal bin and a mouth like that of a small wicker paper basket. The chariot gave the bin his power and his throne and great authority. One of the handles of the bin seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the bin. People worshipped the chariot because he had given authority to the bin, and they also worshiped the bin and asked, “Who is like the bin? Who can wage war against it?”
 
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5,675
The tribe here is now perplexed. This Towie you have spoken of, is it some sort of demon or icon? Do we small people need to fear it or embrace it?
Is it a plague or pestilence or is it a redeemer?
Please provide sage counsel
 

CatmanV2

Member
Messages
37,082
TOWIE is the beast and the number of it is 'free times ait? That's firty ait, innit?'
It is demon and false icon both.
Fear the TOWIE as harbinger of evil and leader astray. By its orange hue and stench of self-tan may you know it.
TOWIE bringeth plague, pestilence and '2-4-1 cocktails' each day of bin.
If TOWIE enters your life, you must repent right quick or else face the second Series of the Apocalypse, which shall is known as 'Love Island'

C
 
Messages
5,675
Aha now I comprehend, I will consult the elders and I have certainty that all will be well received and that it will come to pass that the TOWIE and its offspring will be cast out should it enter our peaceful lives
felicitations