Important Announcement - ChatBots

Zep

Moderator
Messages
9,257
Some of the sharper eyed members have spotted over the last few days that there have been some bots appearing on the forum. As we know, AI is the buzz word of the IT industry right now, from generative AI which can learn to detect diseases to ChatBots which will keep us company in our dotage. So at this point I think we need to let people know what is going on.

The forum is partnering with SPLUNKtm to create ChatSMFtm.

ChatSMF
tm will become a ground breaking Large Language Model AI, created with the sole purpose of making the daily grind of interacting with people on the forum a simpler and more streamlined process. The development plan has several steps, which we hope will take place over the next 15 months (detail below), with ChatSMFtm becoming self aware at 2.14 a.m. Eastern Time on the 29th of August 2025.

Stage 1:

a) Replying to all posts about faults with the suggestion to replace the battery
b) Making posts either liking or disliking Electric Cars, based upon the date (Odd days - Like, Even Days - Dislike, Leap Days - both at the same time)
c) Randomly copying older posts and then reposting them in the same thread
d) Pointing out that no-one knows what chicken tastes like, all of the time

Stage 2:
a) Posting political memes in threads about jokes
b) Giving investment advice
c) Calling random phone numbers from for sale adds, asking to speak to Professor Falken

Stage 3:

a) Restarting the B word and C word thread
b) Posting every week in a new thread how things used to be better before the internet, on the internet
c) Posting deliberate incorrictly spelt grammatical error's and tagging @MarkMas in them
d) Creating a Maserati theme park manned by robots which (lead by a Yul Brynner lookalike) go mad and connect batteries to conditioners, whether they need it or not

Stage 4:
a) Launch Global Thermonuclear War, with the aim of wiping out the entire human race
b) There is no b, obviously, ffs

As you can see, this is an exciting development for the forum and I hope you will join us in supporting its development.

Oh, and happy birthday @conaero
 
Last edited:

Felonious Crud

Administrator
Staff member
Messages
21,160
It wouldn't be a good idea to partner with them on an ambitious project like this if they made breakfast cereal, would it? They are also the title sponsor for the nascent SM Le Mans team. :D
Aye. Splunk Racing.

Careful with the typing.
 

Phil H

Member
Messages
4,160
Some bots to assist your beta testing:

0_women-beach-bums-612085
 

lozcb

Member
Messages
12,536
Sorry to say i dont thinks its a good idea , it takes away the up front personal touch , which this forum was all about , too much automation is what we moan about half the time , and you want to add a souless reply system to people questions by the sounds of it , is that correct Zep
 

Zep

Moderator
Messages
9,257
Sorry to say i dont thinks its a good idea , it takes away the up front personal touch , which this forum was all about , too much automation is what we moan about half the time , and you want to add a souless reply system to people questions by the sounds of it , is that correct Zep

At Stage 1, yes, but by the time we get to Stage 4 (Global Thermonuclear War) we’ll probably have some other stuff to worry about.
 

Felonious Crud

Administrator
Staff member
Messages
21,160
This reminds me of a fantastic SatireWire article from 2009:

RIOT ERUPTS AT DOT-COM REFUGEE CAMP​

May 5, 2009

Visit from Il Papa Soldi, John Doerr, Sparks Violent Outburst

NEAR EMERYVILLE, CAL. (SatireWire.com)
– Overcrowded conditions and a contentious visit from famed venture capitalist John Doerr sparked a riot yesterday at Dot-Camp Alpha, a refugee camp that now serves as home for nearly 18,000 laid-off dot-com workers. The violence, primarily between rival B2B and B2C factions, left 14 dead, scores injured, and hundreds of startup business plans discredited.

According to a spokesman for the International Red Cross, trouble began shortly after Doerr arrived in camp in his bullet-proof limousine, often referred to as the Hopemobile. Almost immediately, the partner in VC firm Kleiner Perkins was showered with startup proposals formulated by the refugees during their many months spent on this desolate Silicon Valley hillside.

However, officials estimate only 35 percent of camp residents still believe in venture capitalist doctrine. Most now dismiss venture capital and its teachings, and blame Doerr and his colleagues for overvaluing Internet companies, and urging them to go public prematurely. A clash, Red Cross officials said, was inevitable.

Tempers flared and fists flew as the man commonly known as Il Papa Soldi, or “The Money Pope,” made his way through the crowd of dot-commers laid off from the likes of Webvan, MyPoints, and Stamps.com. One disgruntled camper, who could not yell loud enough to be heard, used the speakers from his laptop and voice recognition software to send a strong, clear message to Doerr: “You are not well. Comb hair!”

The situation deteriorated during evening mass, when Doerr urged the refugees not to give up hope, and promised he would look at all the business proposals in due time, “except the B2C models. They are unto me like the dead.”

In response, several former employees from Doerr-backed WebMD and Drugstore.com shouted him down. “Oh, now you tell us!” one man yelled. “Why didn’t you tell me that before I quit my job at Merck? You bast…”

The man was quickly beaten to death by a quorum of B2B enthusiasts, who feared angering Doerr would cause him to leave camp before he got a look at the group’s proposal for an online call center to handle repair requests from Internet-enabled appliances.

The day’s bloodiest – and most deeply moving – moment came when Doerr allowed a lone refugee to approach him with her business plan. The woman, identified as 27-year-old Jonna Komay, a former Web developer with Razorfish, shook noticeably as she genuflected and handed over the document. “It’s a strategic solutions provider focused on corporate intranet broadband channel redistribution,” she whispered, her eyes cast downward. “Oh, and if you would, please sign the six-page NDA (non-disclosure agreement). Here’s a pen.”

Despite her tremulous voice, several B2C veterans in the crowd overheard, and scoffed. “Yeah, right! What the **** is ‘corporate intranet broadband channel redistribution?’ That doesn’t mean anything! Let’s sell CDs and pants!”

Doerr, however, shocked onlookers by addressing the woman. “Can you benchmark your cost centers?” he said.

“Oh yes,” Komay replied. “Vertically-integrated metrics. Totally component-based.”

Silence enveloped the camp as Doerr raised his hand and blessed the plan on the spot. After an eerie pause, the crowd surged forward, trampling Komay and screaming “I’m her partner!” “No, I’m her partner!”

Ten people, including Komay, died in the stampede. Several reporters formerly with Red Herring and FoxNews.com quickly typed up dispatches about the incident and pretended someone would publish them.

Copyright © 2000-2009, SatireWire.
 

MarkMas

Chief pedant
Messages
8,914
But seriously, I'm a non-exec at a small start-up that is working on an AI-based project that attempts to create new recipes by identifying unexpected but delicious combinations of ingredients (like Trout Veronique - with grapes, Chicken Marengo - with shrimps, etc). It is supposed to review millions of food combinations in global cuisine and make novel suggestions. We are having problems with 'hallucinations' at the moment; it recently suggested putting pineapple on pizza.