I tried to open a new business bank account with Barclays (already a personal and business customer, and an ex employee) by talking to my local branch; they offered me an interview 3 months ahead. Lloyds were the same.
Then someone in a Barclays branch gave me a 'secret' link for an online banking application and I had all the paperwork in the post 3 days later. Absurd.
Even more silly, we tried to open a non-Barclays business account to stash some extra cash from our usual Barclays business account (for safety and deposit guarantees), but ALL the banks refused, as MrsMarkMas was listed as a director under her maiden name but all her identity documents were under her married name. One bank suggested that she solve their bureaucratic problem by changing her name by deed poll back to her maiden name. I offered to bring in a copy of Who's Who which gives both names (!), but apparently that wasn't on the list of valid identity documents. Grr.