Never live it down

[midlifecrisis]

The 2000 Motorcycle Grand Prix at Donington Park. Me and a mate road down on our bikes from a rainy Lincoln.
Donington was very busy but we got in easily enough and decided to go into the infield to watch the race on the hill so we could see the 'back half' of the track from Hollywood, up to Redgate. We found a good spot at the front by the wire fence.
Since we had our bike gear on, my mate Neil, put his helmet on the other side of the fence, out of the way of everyone around, I did the same. We then took off our wet weather gear, but I lost my footing, which resulted in me kicking his helmet, which cannoned into mine....which then proceeded in rolling down the hill towards the track.....in front of the countless race fans...

Fortunately (for me) there's a drainage ditch behind the tyre wall in the field at the bottom of the Craner curves. There was nothing else to do but do he walk of shame after it. I played to the crowd's cheers by jumping into the ditch and ducking down, to make it look dramatically deep, before 'popping' up like a meerkat with the helmet aloft like the FA Cup to the cheers of the crowd, they turned to 'oohs' as I tipped out the ditch water and then claps as I walked back up the hill.

It was still soggy for the trip home but the racing was good...

 

[Gransport Devon]

Many many years ago I had a Sebring red Manual box Series 3 XJ6 . I belonged to the Jaguar Drivers Club , and attended the usual club events . One run that appealed to me was a club event at Duxford .
We left early as it's a long old way from South Devon , after many hours as we neared our goal we began to encounter the odd Jag and then towards the end of an urban dual carriage way , a convoy of perhaps 12 to 15 assorted Jags , E types , Mk2's XJ6's like my own and even a MK10 . Reckoning that I could pass the lot of them before the dual ran out , went for it and amid much flashing and waving pulled in to head the convoy.
After a few miles one of those big brown English Heritage signs proclaimed Duxford IWM half a mile ahead . We had all slowed to 30 now and after about a minute I saw a gap in the tall hedge coming up on my left , I indicated left , clocked my mirrors to see the whole line also signaling .
As soon as I had got straight after going through the gap I sensed that all was not as it should be , first up an airbase should need a wider access than a single lane width , also after a short straight another 90 degree left . All this was lined with the same type of tall thick hedge.
This ended abruptly on the perimeter road of a large caravan site , I then proceeded to slowly lead a procession of bemused Jaguars past dozens of bewildered campers sitting outside their caravans having breakfast.
As we finished the long leg to the depths of the site , the airbase was visible through a chain link fence . As I was still leading I was first out off a similar gap next to the one I had turned into. A further couple hundred yards down the road was the airbase entrance , which did look like an air base , I scuttled off and hid the car behind a V1 rocket display .
Had a fabulous day looking around , had a 30 minute flight in a De Haviland Rapide around the area which involved weighing each passenger then allocating their seat in order to balance the aircraft .
This was before the huge new display hanger went up . Though it was a great site and would go to again if there was a Maserati or Italian event planned .
Shame about the Jag , it was a tired old puffer and dog slow too , used to get burned off the lights by XR2's , stank of fuel as well .
Failed it's MOT one day , Jag dealer wanted £5K just to get a ticket .
Sold it to a Jag specialist in Exeter for a couple hundred , a few weeks later it was up for £8K .
Ah well , I was young then and had lots to learn , and now after a Lancia and 4 alfa's I have a Maserati. Not had a £5K bill yet ... give it time .

 

[safrane]

Not one of my errors....but yesterday.

I was at a large out of town shopping centre but outside walking the dog when I saw a Tesla drive past me. Loaded up with a paddle board and a very expensive looking mountain bike.

I instantly thought that he would be heading for the rapid chargers there and knew if he did it would probably end in tears.

Sure enough in the distance there was a crashing noise and as I came round the corner I saw him stuck there... bike tangled into the hight restriction barrier, roof rack torn out of its mounting and the glass roof shattered.

I know it was unkind but I did start laughing.

 

[Wack61]

In the 80s I took my ex wife & family to a funeral in Mansfield, a town I didn't know, we were last out of the church, I had no idea where the cemetary was and everyone had gone

Then I spotted a guy I'd seen in the church leaving in his car, result, followed him for miles, right on to his drive

The guy directed us to the cemetary which was the other side of mansfield, by the time we got there they were filling the hole in with a digger

Not really the final farewell they were looking for

 

[Nibby]

In the 80s I took my ex wife & family to a funeral in Mansfield, a town I didn't know, we were last out of the church, I had no idea where the cemetary was and everyone had gone

Then I spotted a guy I'd seen in the church leaving in his car, result, followed him for miles, right on to his drive

The guy directed us to the cemetary which was the other side of mansfield, by the time we got there they were filling the hole in with a digger

Not really the final farewell they were looking for

In a similar vein.
One of my mate's dad passed away and the service was at Cambridge Crem where there is 2 next to each other. I arranged to meet another mate there, this particular mate tries to act jack the lad all the time which always always fails and has skin about six inches thick, anyway as we're getting out our cars a couple we know walked passed we knew heading for the same funeral and as I was doing my shoes up and putting my tie on I said to my mate "Terry keep an eye where they're going so we know where to go" of course he didn't. We get going to the service and the pallbearers are taking a coffin out of the hearse so Terry decides to tap on the coffin and say "So long Mick" (Mick being my mates departed dad), at this point I couldn't see anybody I knew, we went into the service, sat at the back, the doors closed, I still didn't recognise a soul at which point I said quietly to Terry "We're in the wrong f***ing funeral

 

[davy83]

I had owned my 3200 for 2 weeks. Driving down to Glasgow to get a passport (or something). The home secretary and I starting listening tom commentary of a Nadal Federer match and we both thought, be good to be in the hotel bar watching this.
So arrived at hotel, ran in and said where's the car park? There isn't one, use the NCP across the street. So still trying to go quickly i drive to the NCP and drive around a little slowly looking for a good spot where my new pride and joy it is less likely to get door dings. Find a great spot on its own, in a slightly awkward corner. Park up get my ticket and all set to run back to hotel bar when parkin attendant comes out of nowhere and says sorry you can't park there. There were no signs saying I couldn't. So I argued a bit with him. he was insistent that I move the car.
So i was missing the tennis and getting quite irate so jumped in the car and started reversing out of the perfect parking spot thinking i will need to go up like 3 levels to get to an empty spot, quite irate now and in a badly lit all concrete car park at night, straight into a large 2 foot diameter concrete post, destroying the boot, and rear bumper and some of the spare wheel tray. dooooh.

 

[Mavster]

....The Xmas party is going to be fun if this topic comes up in conversation ( I have a feeling it will get X rated very quickly)

 

[midlifecrisis]

....The Xmas party is going to be fun if this topic comes up in conversation ( I have a feeling it will get X rated very quickly)

These are the stories than will not result in criminal charges or libel action being taken...

 

[Wack61]

Not worth a thread so I'll stick it in here

I read something that made me laugh yesterday
an 'influencer' ie talentless bimbo with (insert here) boobs, looks, fashion sense posted a picture of their boarding card from the airport as they were about to leave for some exotic destination.

Only they posted a bit too much information, when they came back to the airport for the return trip somebody had cancelled the flight

 

[DLax69]

...not a screw-up of mine, but related to a funeral. Ex-wife #3 was diagnosed with stage IV cancer four months into our relationship (it's OK, she recovered and then we split up). In the midst of her treatment, her father was diagnosed with lung cancer. OK, not so bad. Except the doctors missed that it had metastasized and become brain cancer. So (and lawd there's so much I'm skipping over), she's in remission and her father passes, in the hills of Appalachia.

He's a practicing Buddhist, and his current wife; ex-wife (my ex's mother); and my ex cook up a giant gathering. Buddhist monk coming in to do the ceremony; people descending on the house from a 200 mile radius. There's one crematory in town, and plenty of time between his death and the appointed time for the scattering of the ashes.

The morning of the Event, I run down the hill to pick up the cremains...only to be told that, and I quote, "The gentleman before your father in law was rather...bulky...and it takes more time for the...larger ones...to render." So, no ashes. I said, look, pal...there are gonna be like 300 people here in two hours to witness this man's ashes being scattered, and this won't do. What other options are there?

The undertaker says, "well, the state pays us to dispose of the indigent...if you will promise to spread what I give you, you can take this homeless guy's ashes..."



Boys and girls...that's what we did. And no one was the wiser...