Dear Your Oil Highness Sheikh Mammon of Abu Dabba Doo the III - Junior,
I do hope this letter finds you well(ing with disposable millions?) and that you have settled into a richly deserved numb lethargy since successfully dropping out of Oxford? I imagine like your nine brothers, you too found the novelty had worn off by the second semester and realised that your father owns the university anyway, making the Honours Degree and MA a certainty?
On that grovelling note, please do pass my regards (and a forty percent stake in my business but let's not dwell on that) to your father and thank him for his gift. It was both impressive and illegal in most countries. Were it not for the bond traders he recommended and the generous use of your sovereign wealth fund I fear I might have had to declare it, which would never do!
You will of course know that we are in the process of repairing the GTO you wrapped around a palm tree last month, on which note I'm happy to report that the repair cost should be no more than you can afford, and additionally I can report that we have arranged shipment to you of the Enzo you asked us to re-trim. You'll be pleased to know that the Saffron dye took to the the snow Leopard pelts rather well.
Speaking of your exceptional taste, how has the chrome wrap taken to the 16M? I do hope it compliments the spinners? and how fortuitous that you were able to fit them to the 16M after having had such problems with the 599. How are you finding the handling after you decided to adapt it for monster trucking instead?
Might I ask whether you would like me to arrange the return of the charred remains of the FF you torched last week? In retrospect you were of course right to berate me for mistakenly allowing one to find its way to Prince Richard of Babylon ahead of yourself, albeit by just a day, but yes you were probably right to say he made you feel small in front of your girlfriend when he turned up in it before you. (how is Tamara by the way?)
So by way of making amends, and not wanting to encroach any further into your drug addled stupor, this draws me to the reason I write...
After minute's of research by our accountants, and in conjunction with several late mornings by our marketing department..let me present the Ferrari Supercar Club. This is a once in a lifetime, time-limited offer available only to the truly witless, sorry wily cash-cows, sorry investors like yourself who have proven five-fold that their wealth is equaled only by their gullibility, sorry astute investment acumen, and with that in mind, let me present you with a sneak preview of the (nearly all the same as the bog standard) 599 Alonso Edition.....TA-DA!!
Much like the driver it honours, it's already past it's peak, and on the track a car made by a soft drinks manufacturer (that doesn't even know how to make road cars) has consistently left it in its wake, but why dwell on such things; we plan to make just ten and if you're quick one can be yours and yours alone (well apart from the other nine I plan to sell to your brothers) for the bargain price of one tenth of Italy's national debt.
Payment by bank transfer to...
Luca di Other way whilst I empty your bank accountio.
(Caterina, photocopy that would you and send it to the 100 people on the mailing list in my office marked SUCKERS)