What makes you grin

Wack61

Member
Messages
8,764
A thread to cheer us up , feel free to add anything that made you smile


One of my wife’s friends was having lunch in a pub in Liverpool

on the table next to them was a family with their grandma

the grandma was being bothered by a fly so she rolled the menu up to swat it but kept missing

after a few missed attempts her grandson who was about 5 stood up and said , quite loudly

give it here grandma , I’ll tw@t it for you
 

Wack61

Member
Messages
8,764
You might want to check the build quality , those instructions are quite complicated
Screenshot_20200912-093501_Samsung Internet.jpg
Screenshot_20200912-093521_Samsung Internet.jpg
 

MarkMas

Chief pedant
Messages
8,795
Primary School Children Writing About The Sea

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.

Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.

A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head.

Oysters' balls are called pearls.

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.

On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny
 

conaero

Forum Owner
Messages
34,593
Obvious I’m afraid but getting in the Strad and firing her up, the pulsing goes through every bone in my body. Pulling away and letting the Larinis slowly build to 7k rpm, then change with a gunshot.

Sad, I know but it’s true I’m afraid. I don’t ever want to sell it.
 

Oishi

Member
Messages
825
True story.
Years ago in my travels in Central America, I got a dose of the virus that causes plantar warts, years later they were very bad, looked like alien toes on my feet, they were great to scare the kids with. Went to the doctor, and they said to try duct tape. Went home and wore duct tape socks for 2 weeks and went back.. no change. Then the doctor tried freezing them.... that just pi55ed them off and made them worse. Next step cutting them off.. no joy. Doctor said my last hope was a pill. I said you put me thru all this and you have a PILL!. Took the prescription to the chemist to be filled. Cute young lady behind the counter asked me if I had any questions about my medication. I asked if these were effective and launched off into my tale of woe, telling her "I tried wrapping with duct tape, (her eyes got big) I tried freezing them off, and cutting them off (her eyes got bigger), and frankly, they scare the heII out of the kids." At that point she threw the package on the counter and said "pay for these up front", and ran off. When I got home, I looked up the medicine on the internet and said to my wife, "Baby, we've got to find a new chemist." "Why, what did you do?" I then told her what I had told the young lady at the drug store. "So?" I said "do you know what these pills are for?" "No".
I said "genital warts".
Poor child probably needed serious counselling.....
 

Markc

Member
Messages
258
Years ago before sat nav my brother and his girlfriend were late for an important engagement. He was getting pretty stressed and was now hammering round the M25 trying to make up time. The following exchange took place:
Him: keep an eye out for the signs I don’t want to miss our exit;
Her: ok calm down we’ll get there on time;
Him: ****! What was that sign? Quick what did it say?;
Her: which sign?;
Him: FFS the sign we just f*cking went past;
Her: Fresh cut flowers next exit;
Him......nothing. I think his head exploded.
 

Felonious Crud

Administrator
Staff member
Messages
21,013
Years ago before sat nav my brother and his girlfriend were late for an important engagement. He was getting pretty stressed and was now hammering round the M25 trying to make up time. The following exchange took place:
Him: keep an eye out for the signs I don’t want to miss our exit;
Her: ok calm down we’ll get there on time;
Him: ****! What was that sign? Quick what did it say?;
Her: which sign?;
Him: FFS the sign we just f*cking went past;
Her: Fresh cut flowers next exit;
Him......nothing. I think his head exploded.

That sounds about right. We’re looking for a parking sign, every sign, shop name, you name it, gets read out.
 

Wack61

Member
Messages
8,764
It's just women in general , i've just bought a motorhome , it needs diesel , we need to go to costco so i thought combine the two

No i don't want to go today

Ok so i get the ladders out and start cleaning it , an hour later i'm up a ladder with a long brush leaning over, half way through cleaning the roof when she opens the front door and says , actually i do want to go to Costco, can we go now
Are you effing kidding me