True stories that might amuse - let me know if you want more, I have loads

[Dave]

As a hard up apprentice I worked as a griddle chef in the local Wimpy Bar (an early form of McDonalds). While it was very busy in the summer months it only opened at the weekends in the winter with only a few evening punters. The boss had a son who regularly took money from the till and blamed us and a hideous daughter who was right up her own a*se. She very often bragged that the (obviously false) eyelashes were real and that she had cultured them to grow herself . One of these quiet evenings I strolled over to the entrance door and gazed out. Splat ! One of the equally bored waitresses had hurled a wet dishcloth very accurately at the back of my neck. Revenge was needed. Recovering the cloth I chased the waitress into the kitchen/store room where the other waitress was hiding. There was masses of giggling as they both leant against the door to prevent my entry. Just then the main door opens. I don't know who it is so I casually drift to a table and start wiping it down. The boss's daughter asks where the waitresses are and is confused by the giggling from the kitchen. They're in there I pointed to the door, it seems to be stuck she said, it's probably just the cardboard on the floor I suggested. She pushes harder – they haven't heard her inside from inside the kitchen and still think it's me. The door bursts open and an arm is thrust outwards at my chest height but her eye level. On the end of the arm is half a roll with a huge dollop of butter on it. Squelch. It hits her in the face. Total horror and silence for a moment or two. As the butter melts the roll slides down her face, drops on the floor and does a spinning pirouette with a huge false eyelash embedded on it. Hysterical laughter returns and (remember Clockwork Orange ?) the shock passes through the victim which turns to tears, she grasps the doorway and wraps one leg round the other and laughs and cries and pees herself. Spiralling down her leg and running of her shoes it makes a puddle on the floor. Even more laughter. A few days later she drifts into the bar once again bragging about how she's grown her eyelashes. We all reminded her of what a short memory she had.