Terrible Jokes Thread

[CatmanV2]

Know the feeling with a birthday on the 27th!
Eb

My sister is Jan 10th. Complains of the same

C

 

[Ewan]

We have a friend (Abs) who’s birthday is Dec 25th. Hence putting this up when she came round for Christmas a few years ago:

 

[CatmanV2]

In all my trips to Mexico, I have never worked this out!



C

 

[Wattie]

I hate it when couples argue in public and I missed the beginning and I’ve no I idea whose side I’m on!

 

[philw696]

 

[philw696]

 

[mowlas]

 

[Wattie]

Last night a neighbor knocked on my door at 3am.
3am ffs!!!!
Luckily, I was already up practicing my bagpipes.

 

[midlifecrisis]

My boss thinks I'm stupid.

He sent me to buy 2kg of sugar yesterday but i found only 1kgs at the shop so I didn't buy any. When I came back he was p1ssed off saying 'I should have used my brain and buy two 1kgs to make 2kg of sugar'. I kept quiet. Today, he sent me to buy size 6 shoes and there was no size 6 but only size 3. So this time I used my brain and bought 2 pairs of size 3 shoes to make size 6.

He told me to wait outside the office I saw him writing I think it's a promotion letter...

 

[Flint]

I got home at 3am the other night.
My missus was waiting for me behind the door with a rolling pin.
I said "You're not up baking at this hour are you luv?"

 

[midlifecrisis]

View attachment 108763

She must be used to men not looking at her in the eye.

 

[Scaf]

If a black bird has black chicks and a blue bird has blue chicks……. what bird has no chicks ……….

“a swallow”

 

[Wattie]

Who’s truly your best friend? Try this quick test.

Lock your wife and dog in the boot of a car for an hour, then let them out and see whose happy to see you.

 

[philw696]

Take care out there today everyone. It’s Motown weather, 3 degrees, 4 tops!

 

[Wattie]

Never buy cheap socks!

 

[Nibby]

 

[midlifecrisis]

Popped into Benny's the other day, he's been busy writing his Christmas Cards...

 

[MAF260]

 

[mowlas]

“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
“No sun.”

 

[mowlas]

Hey, guess who I bumped into on my way to get my glasses fixed?
Everybody…