Terrible Jokes Thread

[MarkMas]

A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."...

 

[midlifecrisis]

 

[mowlas]

I got the sack from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

 

[Nibby]

What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree
A pool table.

 

[DLax69]

 

[daverichardson]

US v UK humour...........................

 

[DLax69]

US v UK humour...........................

Norm is Canadian. So...explain that, please

 

[daverichardson]

Erm
Whose round is it

 

[midlifecrisis]

 

[MarkMas]

 

[MarkMas]

I'm not sure I will ever be able to hold down a stable job.

I'm frightened of horses.

 

[midlifecrisis]

Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a mesh and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.

Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.

 

[MarkMas]

Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a mesh and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.

Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.

I'm sure you are going to egret your humorous tern, as it just sounds fowl. Sorry for grousing, owl see myself out.

 

[RodTungsten]

Don't forget as winter will soon be upon us and our native birds are finding food scarce, please go to the pet shop and buy a mesh and a bag of nuts for our feathered friends. There is no finer sight on a winter's morning than a pair of tits around your nutbag.

Just remember however, it's a bit too late in the year to expect a swallow.

Humphrey Littleton would be proud of that one.

 

[midlifecrisis]

Humphrey Littleton would be proud of that one.

I have fat balls too and the birds can't get enough of them

 

[CatmanV2]

Shop assistant: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on?
Psychic: I'm a medium

C

 

[spkennyuk]

Shop assistant: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on?
Psychic: I'm a medium

C

He didnt see that one coming

 

[CatmanV2]

For a subset of us....

Facebook will be moving into your house rent-free beginning on Tuesday if you do not post this on your wall. Facebook will eat all the food in your house and **** in your fridge and probably draw all over your face with permanent markers while you sleep. This is all official, it was even on the news, not the news that you watched but some other news on a different channel. Post this on your wall and Facebook will not do this but you must do it ten seconds after reading the message. Please, think of the children!

C

 

[happydaze]

Shop assistant: How about this one?
Psychic: That shirt is too small
Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on?
Psychic: I'm a medium

C

The shop assistant should have struck a happy medium...

 

[CatmanV2]

The shop assistant should have struck a happy medium...

There wasn't one around.....

C