Terrible Jokes Thread

[MarkMas]

As the weather is so hot I asked the DPD delivery driver if he'd like a bottle of cold water. When he said yes I dropkicked it over a fence into my neighbour's rose bush and told him I'd left it in a designated safe space.

I love this, EXCEPT that my experience of DPD is they are the best delivery service around after Royal Mail. I think this would work better with Evri/Hermes, who are truly appalling!

 

[MarkMas]

I was behind Adam Ant at the queue at the ice cream van, he asked for a 'Standard Vanilla'

So have we gone full circle then, and do we have to close the thread?

https://www.sportsmaserati.com/index.php?threads/terrible-jokes-thread.33510/#post-858850

 

[Nibby]

 

[Tallman]

 

[rs48635]

Took the GT round to a local mechanic... should I be worried?

View attachment 103605

ahhh the swedish nut lathe

 

[HenrysDad]

A chap goes to his Doctor, he was worried.
" Doc, I have funny dreams, All night I dream of the green green grass of home and before I wake I dream of Delilah!"
"Hmm" says the doc. " I think you have Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it serious?"
"No not really" says the doc.
"Is it rare? I've never heard of it" asks the concerned chap.
"It's not unusual"

 

[midlifecrisis]

There's a new craze of dipping your scrotum into glitter.

Pretty nuts huh?

 

[Gazcw]

There's a new craze of dipping your scrotum into glitter.

Pretty nuts huh?

Is that why they call you twinkle?

 

[mowlas]

There's a new craze of dipping your scrotum into glitter.

Pretty nuts huh?

I heard this tradition started at Christmas when people couldn’t afford expensive baubles to decorate their trees with. But rather like mirkins, I didn’t think this was fir real.

 

[Gazcw]

I must have missed this one in the series when the kids were younger!

 

[spkennyuk]

Just got a job at the sleep research center. Its my dream job

Never have sex in a lift. Its wrong on so many levels.

The wife fell asleep with a lipstick in her ear but she still cant make up her mind.

 

[MarkMas]

 

[mowlas]

I must have missed this one in the series when the kids were younger!
View attachment 103721

I think that was from the ill-fated and, now discontinued, 'Willies on the Bus' series...

 

[mowlas]

View attachment 103726

Apparently only bull sharks...

 

[mowlas]

Wife: Where are you going?
Husband: Um, there is no easy way to say this...
Wife (worried): What do you mean?
Husband: Well, I'm going to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

 

[zagatoes30]

At this weeks check-up on the arms I asked the Doctor once healed would I be able to play the guitar?

He said of course

So there's a benefit as I couldn't play before the accident.

 

[mowlas]

At this weeks check-up on the arms I asked the Doctor once healed would I be able to play the guitar?

He said of course

So there's a benefit as I couldn't play before the accident.

That's the benefit of using these new stratocasts!

 

[daverichardson]

Or a Telecast in front of the tv

 

[philw696]

Paddy's in Japan on business. The night before a golf game with his Japanese business partner, he decides to go to a brothel. While on the job, the girl screams, “SUNG WA! SUNG WA!” He thinks this must mean “very good! very good!" so hammers on, all proud! The next day playing golf, the Japanese businessman sinks a long putt. Paddy wanting to impress, yells “SUNG WA! SUNG WA!” the Japanese man turns around and replies, “What do you mean... wrong hole?”

 

[mowlas]

Paddy's in Japan on business. The night before a golf game with his Japanese business partner, he decides to go to a brothel. While on the job, the girl screams, “SUNG WA! SUNG WA!” He thinks this must mean “very good! very good!" so hammers on, all proud! The next day playing golf, the Japanese businessman sinks a long putt. Paddy wanting to impress, yells “SUNG WA! SUNG WA!” the Japanese man turns around and replies, “What do you mean... wrong hole?”

Believe it or not, this is real! And look at bullet point three!