Terrible Jokes Thread

[CatmanV2]

People often ask me how I smuggle snacks into the cinema!
Well...
I have a few Twix up my sleeve!

C

 

[midlifecrisis]

I was getting the bus to Old Trafford yesterday and a pregnant lady was already there at the bus stop. I asked when's it due? She said two weeks.

'Oh ok, I'll think I'll walk ' I replied.

 

[happydaze]

I was getting the bus to Old Trafford yesterday and a pregnant lady was already there at the bus stop. I asked when's it due? She said two weeks.

'Oh ok, I'll think I'll walk ' I replied.

And so you should...

 

[Phil H]

Holding my head in my hands, how long can this go on?

It's much like an earworm, seemingly forever.

 

[zagatoes30]

I was getting the bus to Old Trafford yesterday and a pregnant lady was already there at the bus stop. I asked when's it due? She said two weeks.

'Oh ok, I'll think I'll walk ' I replied.

Obviously fake news, no one goes to Old Trafford these days

 

[CatmanV2]

Tried to fix my television with bostik.
Spent the entire Saturday evening glued to the screen

C

 

[MaserMM]

It's much like an earworm, seemingly forever.

Someone told me it's the best thread on here. My áss!

 

[zagatoes30]

I've just got a Colouring Book of Devon...

It's called Paignton by numbers.

 

[CatmanV2]

I've just got a Colouring Book of Devon...

It's called Paignton by numbers.

That is *superbly* bad. Well done!

C

 

[zagatoes30]

That is *superbly* bad. Well done!

C

Why thank you

 

[midlifecrisis]

Tonight on the BBC iPlayer I'll be watching 'Think the Unthinkable'
It's a new Titanic Documentary narrated by Chris Eubank.

 

[midlifecrisis]

If you're like me, and have been accused of being born in a barn and want to chat about it.
My door is always open.

 

[CatmanV2]

C

 

[MarkMas]

I really hate those people who come to your house, bang on the door, and say that if you don't listen to them you won't be 'saved' and you will 'burn'.


Blooody fire brigade!

 

[midlifecrisis]

If 2 vegans are having an argument is it still called a 'beef'?

 

[Vampyrebat]

If 2 vegans are having an argument is it still called a 'beef'?

Probably a 'Leaf'!

 

[CatmanV2]

Not really a joke, but reminds me of some of the sealant discussions



C

 

[Flint]

 

[zagatoes30]

 

[philw696]

View attachment 146410

Sad to see it all unfolding before our eyes.