midlifecrisis
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I thought that this joke was going down the lines of 'let me watch the race', his horse wins and he pays the bill... But I'm on the wrong thread for that...
Brexit Deal
- Thread starter GeoffCapes
- Start date
philw696
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Boris Johnson walks into a Bank to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?"
Johnson: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister."
Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Johnson: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Johnson: "Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque."
Cashier: "Look sir here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
"Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, Sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?"
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Mr Johnson?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?"
Johnson: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Boris Johnson, Prime Minister."
Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Johnson: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier: "I am sorry, Mr. Johnson, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Johnson: "Come on please, I am urging you, please cash this cheque."
Cashier: "Look sir here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his cheque.
"Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racket and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque. So, Sir, what can you do to prove that it is you and only you?"
Johnson stands there thinking and thinking and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I don't have a clue."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes, Mr Johnson?"
MarkMas
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Two questions:
- which polls?
- why would we believe any polls when they have been so very wrong so many times (Trump, Brexit, Thatcher third election.....)
Also, shooting oneself in the foot does not mean what you think it means.
Wack61
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This guy wakes up in hospital with his whole body covered in bandages apart from his ********
A doctor comes in to inform him he's been in a terrible accident , the bad news is his penis has been cut completely off
He starts to panic so the doctor reassures him , it's not all bad news , we can rebuild it , you've been awarded £9000 in compensation , the cost of reconstruction is £1000 an inch
We would have done it while you were out but we didn't know how big you'd want it , if we gave you 5" and you had 9" you might feel hard done by but if you only had 5" then 9" might have been a bit if a shock for your wife , best have a chat with her and let us know.
A few days later the doctor returns to ask what he'd like to do, have you talked it over with your wife yet , yes, we're getting a new kitchen
A doctor comes in to inform him he's been in a terrible accident , the bad news is his penis has been cut completely off
He starts to panic so the doctor reassures him , it's not all bad news , we can rebuild it , you've been awarded £9000 in compensation , the cost of reconstruction is £1000 an inch
We would have done it while you were out but we didn't know how big you'd want it , if we gave you 5" and you had 9" you might feel hard done by but if you only had 5" then 9" might have been a bit if a shock for your wife , best have a chat with her and let us know.
A few days later the doctor returns to ask what he'd like to do, have you talked it over with your wife yet , yes, we're getting a new kitchen
dunnah01
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Somebody at the Evening Standard says so.
School day - what does shooting yourself in the foot mean?
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GeoffCapes
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Shoot Yourself in the Foot—An Expression of Self-Destruction
Shooting yourself in the foot is an idiom that signifies self-sabotage or committing a foolish mistake that can have detrimental consequences. For example, “If we don’t sign up for this special deal, we’re essentially shooting
grammarist.com
MarkMas
Chief pedant
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Shoot Yourself in the Foot—An Expression of Self-Destruction
Shooting yourself in the foot is an idiom that signifies self-sabotage or committing a foolish mistake that can have detrimental consequences. For example, “If we don’t sign up for this special deal, we’re essentially shooting
Yes, the trouble with this expression is that it is commonly held to mean "to make a silly mistake that harms yourself" but the article then goes on to correct itself with the origin story, which shows that it means "to DELIBERATELY harm yourself to avoid worse harm“.
So I suppose you could use it both ways , saying that Remainders mean " stupid leavers thought they were being clever waving that Brexit gun around, but now they are horribly injured" while a Leaver might mean "better to have the modest injury of Brexit now, even if it is a bit painful, than to go through the horror of being part of a failing super-state“.
zagatoes30
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Using one of the most marmite politicians of all time part of any argument is only going to get toxic 
daverichardson
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Notice, it was all about trade - nothing else like an army or immigration etc
Was that not called a Common Market?
Was that not called a Common Market?
GeoffCapes
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Brexit was only about an Army or immigration if you listened to Farage.
dunnah01
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Or any of the Leavers I work with..
daverichardson
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Or lived in Middlesbrough
Wattie
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Anyone else feel these last minute panic talks are totally futile....bit like the queens speech.
Deal seems to be some sort of re-hash of a May suggestion months ago that was rejected by all, DUP clearly ain't on board at this time which means NI is hung out to dry somewhat, Brexiteers look unimpressed..... which all means Parliament is gonna take one look at it and say no.
Cannot see Labour, LIBs and SNP supporting it in any shape or form- look at Sturgeons remarks in Aberdeen!
At least Johnson has had a go with one hand tied behind his back. He's managed to re-nogotiate a deal (even if rejected) that a few weeks ago wasn't renogiateable according to the Eu.
Clearly one was...unless the withdrawal agreement still stands.....but no-ones mentioned this.
Wonder what he could have achieved if everyone was onside and the Eu thought he would walk away?
If this is rejected again by Mp's and by the way if its a sh1t deal, it should be kicked out what on earth will happen next?
Deal seems to be some sort of re-hash of a May suggestion months ago that was rejected by all, DUP clearly ain't on board at this time which means NI is hung out to dry somewhat, Brexiteers look unimpressed..... which all means Parliament is gonna take one look at it and say no.
Cannot see Labour, LIBs and SNP supporting it in any shape or form- look at Sturgeons remarks in Aberdeen!
At least Johnson has had a go with one hand tied behind his back. He's managed to re-nogotiate a deal (even if rejected) that a few weeks ago wasn't renogiateable according to the Eu.
Clearly one was...unless the withdrawal agreement still stands.....but no-ones mentioned this.
Wonder what he could have achieved if everyone was onside and the Eu thought he would walk away?
If this is rejected again by Mp's and by the way if its a sh1t deal, it should be kicked out what on earth will happen next?
Wanderer
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I've not seen the deal, but sounds like May's just with different words and probably even worse if the EU are ok with it. But I suspect that's what BJ wants....o I tried but it got rejected it's on all of you for not backing it yadayada.
