Wife---True Blond

D Walker

Member
Messages
9,827
Those of you who have been fortunate to meet my wife, a small few, may have seen she is blonde, although it's out of a bottle so she has never really been a dizzy blonde...........until now!!!!!!!
Those who have read the posts may have seen that last weekend we visited friends in Scotland, had a riot of a weekend but on Sunday could not find my car keys. It was assumed that I had dropped them in the boot when I fetched the vintage Port I had bought for my mate. So, anyway, my mate lends me his car for a week so we could come back with spare key. Went back today and spare key would not work, it hasn't been used so transponder needs setting in key......AA man turns up and was desperate to work it out, ringing his mates etc, eventually lets tow it to VW Ayr, had all ready arranged to get it sorted tommorrow.. gets into car park, phone rings, I've found something in my handbag, er, what, it's a VW key, what the one you have emptied 3 times to see if it's in there, er yes, 20 minutes later wife and mate turn up.........
Vroom, vroom.... so 900 miles on my mates car, £200 in diesel (brimmed it for him) day off work and I'm where I should have been last Sunday...
Sat in front of fire with a beer, just as well I love her I guess.........
Lesson- beware the unknown depths of a handbag and never pass the keys to the "sober" one........
 

mjheathcote

Centenary Club
Messages
9,033
Must have been 20 years ago or so, was up in Braemar for a weekends skiing with a good friend, in his Rover 600, when he locked the car keys in the boot.
Spent the evening outside the hotel with bent coat hangers trying to hook the boot release, which we managed eventually!
 

Wattie

Member
Messages
8,640
Always remember in a doomsday wife related car key scenario.

Confusious say "New keys are far cheaper than a new wife"

Cheers Wattie
 

Andyk

Member
Messages
61,038
You'll have a good old laugh about it Dave later.....Well sorted at least ....
 

D Walker

Member
Messages
9,827
We're already having a laugh. Don't know how many people went past earlier when I was in garden, window down and,
Have you lost some keys!!
My mates wife admitted she would have thrown them in bin and denied all knowledge
 

allandwf

Member
Messages
10,958
But just think how much mileage you will be able to get out of it, casting up for years to come :)
 

Slowly

Junior Member
Messages
327
There are endless permutations to 1) numbers of handbags, and 2) the compartments therein in which things can hide. Even when a bag has been thoroughly searched for a phone, when you ring that phone (assuming it has charge - that's another rant), the sound mysteriously comes from that same bag, and the phone, just before it goes to voicemail, is discovered in some hidden crevice or compartment. Mens' suits, jackets and overcoats now have phone pockets... and we never lose our phones (even if we are wearing jeans) but somehow it is different for our OHs. Like car keys - 99.9% of the time mine are in exactly the same [i.e. the correct] place, (though the 0.01% when they are not is seized upon, of course). Twice (admittedly only in nearly 30 years) I have had to have entire sets of her house, car etc keys recut... or she has had to cancel numerous cards, but re-cutting or cancelling seems to have a magic effect and the "stolen" keys/cards reappear from the washing basket or the sofa.
Men also have a special pocket, originally designed for pocket watches in the last-but-one century but now redundant and, like our appendix, it has shrunk (so no pocket watch would fit)... that slit-like pocket medial to the RHS trouser pocket, - only big enough for a prophylactic or a 1/2oz of something wrapped in foil - which is why it is the first place the poliz look.
 

D Walker

Member
Messages
9,827
Haha - the fact my missus emptied her hand bag and shook it over the bin (as there was spilt salt in it) has no bearing, and as you say, number of handbags, she admits to 17, I'm just so happy she took the same one........I really should have shares in Radley as there is a cupboard full, she even has ones she has never used, apparently they are collector editions !!!!!
But all's well that at ends well, nobody died, we spent some money on fuel but hey ho, it is what it is.......
 

spkennyuk

Member
Messages
5,931
Collector edition handbags !!! Collecting dust. They stay in the wardrobe never get used and then never get sold either.
 

RobinL

Member
Messages
456
Collector edition handbags !!! Collecting dust. They stay in the wardrobe never get used and then never get sold either.
I can empathise with all this. I took the only way out I could think of and bought shares in Louis Vuiton and Ted Baker. If she's buying clothes and handbags I may as well get some dividends back

Sent from my HTC U11 using Tapatalk
 

safrane

Member
Messages
16,748
PS I encourage my OH to buy the bags she like...it makes it easier to justify the car.

If she asks how we can afford at £30k car that lives in the garage 300 days a year...I just point to the wardrobes top shelfs.
 

D Walker

Member
Messages
9,827
Salt in handbag????

My friends wife misappropriated the salt and pepper pots from the dinner venue by hiding them in my ladies bad.
I don't criticise what Diane spends "her" money on, just as long as when I find a car she lets me spend some of "our" money!!!!!!
 
Messages
6,001
just back from the pub, so it may not be as funny tomorrow

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke. Push off", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, push off ! You've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinaman thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are two very large trucks full of car parts.
This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says: "You not Nissan Maindealer?"